To Keepswimming
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 05-19-2010 - 11:21am |
KS
My heart breaks that you are feeling such pain and absolute desperation. I read some of your post in another thread about wanting your Xap to call and that many of us don't know how it feels to not have them fish, or not have them attempt contact. You are very wrong in that, because there are many of us that have gone through this exact thing.
I was in an A for 7 years!!! (5 of which were PA). 78 days ago...he stopped talking to me. He just stopped. He would not reply to anything. He was done. He never gave a reason, never explained, never saw it coming. He has yet to make contact, yet to fish, yet to do anything... I have seen him on two occasions that could not be avoided and he said hello as if nothing had ever happened between us. Anyway, I am still struggling with this. I still wish sometimes he would try to fish so I couls avoid...but I am LEARNING. I have really LISTENED to these experienced women and you HAVE to as well. It will only cause more pain...because the A is over now. No Contact = NO New Hurt.... it is that simple and it is VERY painful.
Be strong KS, and huge hugs... you will make it through this.

Hi Healing,
Thank you for your message.
Keepswimming--I emailed you back (:
I couldn't agree more btw. I'm in that club too where I've never had a fishing attempt--not even "are you ok" or anything of the sort. He just quit me. It sounds so much like "victim" mentality but I too can't help feeling sorry for myself. So dumb and time wasting isn't it? I think it's just that sense of being discarded that hurts so deeply.
LL
I got lost in self pity in the early days of NC when I realized that it was over and that when I told him NOT to contact me, that he would listen. And oh the rejection. How could he not contact me? How could he just walk away? Well, it was what I wanted... and even those of you who were walked away from, it is what you ultimately wanted. So, as Iddy said to me in those early raw days of NC, consider it a blessing. It really is. The rejection may hurt... and sure it stings sometimes for me, even know after 111 days, but you have to embrace it. You have to be grateful for the opportunity to heal. You have to use each day of NC as fuel to power you forward and pretty soon you will be like a steam roller, putting more and more distance between yourself and your A. That fog will lift. You will experience emotions, embrace them, feel them, recognize them, work through them, let them go and move on. It's all part of this process. Please, remember that by allowing you to remain NC, he's actually showing you respect. He wasn't yours and he will never be yours so he's letting you move on. It's actually quite kind.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/