Kinda new here and need support

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Kinda new here and need support
2
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 12:43pm
Just ending EMA w/ MM who happens to be my best friend. We're good friends and he still wants to be friends as do I. But I think we'll just have to cool it even as friends. We were more friends, with an occasional benefit on the side, but I ended up falling in love with MM. He says he loves me too (but I think it's more of a friendship love). I actually started visioning a life with him. Boy, what was I smoking?! I will always love him as a friend but we both belong to another. Just feeling down about the loss of our closeness. The A went on for a year now and it was more emotional than physical. We think so much alike and are very compatible. We're just spoken for already. He says his prayers before he eats a meal and says he wants to live right and can't keep doing this and has been trying hard to contain his feelings for me. At the same time he wants to remain buddies. In the best interests of everyone, I am the one who is gonna take it a step further and cool even the friendship which hurts me because I know it will hurt him. I don't think we should play around with being 'just friends', at least not right now. Maybe later, after we've had some time apart to see things objectively. MM and I talk every single day (except weekends) and we inspire and support eachother in everything. That will end and we'll both go thru withdrawals, mine worse than his. So you'll be seeing me here on the board crying one day, strong the next. Just hang with me and help me out. I need all that I can get. How do I get over this man who's been the love of my life???????
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 5:41pm
Hi, welcome to the board. I'm new here too and just did my first post today.

I'm also married and with a married man. I haven't ended it yet but know I need to. I admire your strength for cutting things off with him. It's so hard to end it with someone you are in love with.

Same situation here - he and I are best friends. Better than each other's spouses. (Yikes) He's also a relative of my husband and we see each other several times a month at family events. Plus he is my mentor and boss, so we spend time together alone almost every week. Plus we talk on the phone and email a lot.

He is my biggest support through the rough times in my life and I'm going to have to go on without that support. Sounds like you're feeling the same way - that you're kind of on your own without the support that you are used to having through him. You are very strong to go on without him. Feel free to email me if you want - alyssajones@ivillage.com.

Take care and good luck. I think you are very strong and brave and hope I will be able to follow through and do what you have done too.

Alyssa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2003 - 6:39pm
welcome to the board gottamoveon: ... my situation is slightly different. i am single and my x was MM. our A was 4 years and big time hurt when it was over on 02/11/03. he's currently making his marriage work (well that's what the W told me when she called me shortly after she found out about me...long story). he told her about me all over an arguement about a valentine card he didn't send me and he thought i was so p_ss'd off that i was going to tell her. this time i didn't stop him from telling her and i believe he used that to his advantage. and we worked together too being that i have my own business. so i am footing it alone business and personally. he was my best friend and mentor too. so i can relate to putting all you can into MOVING ON. so that's where we are on the same page. if you go to the archives of this board you will find that the majority of the postings from other ladies will say NC is the best for YOU...and from my current experience, NO CONTACT. and it will feel like your heart is actually breaking into a million pieces. i was a basket case for days and had to remind myself to put one foot in front of the other just to walk. i cried so much i just knew i may would go into cardiac arrest and yes i still cry when i think about that even if i had him once a week, that isn't going to happen ever again. i was and still do come to this board to see clear of my hurt, guilt and which way to even go. the first thing and what i am currently doing is to set ASIDE (i do once a day) and remember him, the good and the bad times and i cry my heart out, i write in a daily journal my feelings and i mean true feelings, then i meditate on how i need to get better and WHAT i need to plan to do to get better. i never stopped going to church, praying and so-call reading the bible or the word of God even as i was seeing this man. that was living as a hypocite for sure. i knew the A was so wrong, but i made excuses and hung on every word this man said and looked forward to being with him like someone on drugs. (A's are like drug addictions and the withdrawals are just as rough!!!) but you know after this man and i was over, i opened my bible, crying, hurting, and desperate to get hope and strength and read so much about ME. i am not there yet of saying that i am THERE and not hurting but i have faith and now hope that my A blocked me from getting the good Lord's blessings and i know they will come, i just need to be patient, have faith and trust. please don't think that i am one of those that is preaching about the spiritual world and don't have my feet firmly on the ground. maybe if i hadn't turned to the MAN ABOVE i may not be here. it (the hurt) was just that bad.it is difficult to explain to anyone about the hurt you are going thru. and would you believe my x-MM did say grace before meals too, and then i would wonder how could he do that then jump in the bed with me and spend the night with me then go home to his W and act like nothing happened with telling a bunch of lies? but i was just as guilty as he, so i am not going to throw blame.

maybe others will post their views differently from me, but i strongly support NC,email, phone, whatever. why? its like delaying the pain. its like getting off cocaine and smoking weed 10 times a day every day. sooner or later you will be back on that roller coaster ride back with him. and is it worth the price of the ticket? i know it has to be very hard to turn to your husband and treat him as your best friend and lover when your mind is on this other man. but you are very fortunate to turn to who you should have a bond with and SEARCH for where your heart is with him. you are thinking in the right sense that you and he shouldn't be just friends. stick to it. don't ride the fence with it because you will hurting yourself a great deal. don't be so concern about him...it sounds as if he is thinking of his future when he is telling you that he doesn't feel right about the A. ......take care and we are here....most of us i think are here more during the week, but hang in there and put yourself first.......prayers and positive thoughts to ya.....rain