last email i sent to xAP....lyrics.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2011
last email i sent to xAP....lyrics.
15
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 11:09am
i told xap that this was an email from him to me....'especially the first verse'..

"Goodbye My Lover" James Blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun, Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won. So I took what's mine by eternal right. Took your soul out into the night. It may be over but it won't stop there, I am here for you if you'd only care. You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you. I've kissed your lips and held your hand. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you.

[x2] Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when I wake, You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take. And as you move on, remember me, Remember us and all we used to be I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. I've watched you sleeping for a while. I'd be the father of your child. I'd spend a lifetime with you. I know your fears and you know mine. We've had our doubts but now we're fine, And I love you, I swear that's true. I cannot live without you.

[x2] Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine. In mine when I'm asleep. And I will bare my soul in time, When I'm kneeling at your feet. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow. I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow. I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow. I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Someday soon i will hold my head up high and KNOW for a FACT that xap is not mine, was never mine and will NEVER be mine.....AND someday i will NOT be living in the "alternate universe" anymore.....i will be ME again.!

feeling 'hollow' for the moment......BUT this too will pass.

wanted to share...thx.

Mau

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 11:34am

Sigh, these are times when I wish our old DL Iddy were here to take make the meanie move... but, she retired.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2011
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 11:47am
im sorry...:( i shouldn't have posted this...should i delete it? for the future enders...? UGH..i am STILL wasting my life on xap..I am SO much smarter than this...and I know what to do about it...yet, here i am wallowing....I need to go to Walmart to buy groceries, and yet...here i am, listening to songs, and messaging..!Oh, Dee, I'm such a case ...I can't wait to get on here tomorrow...bet i will be different?! I am different from day to day, sometimes, hour to hour...today is a bad day...tomorrow a good one..(here's praying, and CHOOSING to wake up tomorrow on the RIGHT side of the bed)!

You are right...i will watch what i post, and will think of others...thx :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 12:20pm

UGH...I wish you had written this out and filed in your draft folder.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2011
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 12:23pm
I don't think you need to delete, or amend - it was a true moment of how you were feeling - HOWEVER, that being said - Dee is EXACTLY right, it is emo-masturbation at best (seriously that made me giggle typing that). I think in time you will need to read this to remember how far you came. Clearly the ending was difficult, and you are still foggy - it's time to start saying (again and again) None of this matters.

While I am always conscious of up and coming enders with what I say - it is important for you to NOT censor in order to grow - sometimes being called out helps our brain snap back into the momentum of change. Ending is not easy, and you are so new - you haven't even hit the hard part yet.... wait until around 3 weeks!!

Mau,
You romanticizing the existence of your A is wrong - but normal. If you read the first paragraph of that song - it's assumed that the singer has done something wrong, or out of acceptability to a partner - but in an A there is no real existence of a relationship - their can't be since the whole thing is based on deceit - And WHY does it have to be that YOU did something wrong? Why give him the power - A better departing song for me was moving on by Rascal Flatts that let me keep control of the goodbye - feel free to borrow it - it's a good one!


"I'm Moving On"

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 12:53pm

Wait, what.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 12:56pm
Ya know, I hate this new format...still. I didn't even see this post. I wouldn't delete it...we can use it here as a lesson on what not to do :) You're new to this, MAU...don't worry, be happy.

And seeee, you are feeling and thinking different day to day and so that's why we don't want to be putting anything down in stone and sending it off.

((hugs))
Clarity


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 1:16pm

Lolly,

You made a very valid point that censure can inhibit healing, and I hope my post didn't come across sounding like I was saying, "post only pretty thoughts!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2011
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 2:20pm
No, no, no! Still NC.....Day 7! Meaning i was on these boards... NOT to him messaging! this was a song i sent xap the beginning of last week...so sorry to scare you Dee!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2011
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 2:29pm
i wish too Clarity.... i am REALLY really good at sending these kinds of things...(ie. to xap in the past and regretting that i even sent him anything so mushy and stupid) I think i need to use the "48 hr rule" before i post here again! You r SO right that "it does us no good and impedes our recovery to be romanticizing our affair". my bad :( Sorry to all of you who have opened this post...and PLEASE use it as a post of WHAT NOT TO POST!...thanks again ladies..for being so direct with me and kind at the same time...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2011
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 2:35pm
Thank you for sharing this song...much better and wiser choice...;)

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