The last goodbye
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| Thu, 02-03-2005 - 6:26pm |
Today I sent the last goodbye message I ever hope to send to my xMM. I broke NC a few weeks ago, and have been riding the rollercoaster since. I finally came to the conclusion that I'm better than this, I'm worth more than this and frankly, so is he.
I told him that WE deserve better. And by we, I mean him and I and my H and his wife. Four people a happy marriage does not make. If we will not take the steps to be together, i.e. divorce, then it's a necessity to take the steps to end this once and for all.
Once you start looking at yourself, and I mean really looking at yourself, this should come as an easy decision. I am an adulter, a liar, a cheat, a sneak and ashamed. I don't want to be any of those things. I've never had such low self-esteem or little self worth. So I can be divorced and alone or I can be happily married. I choose my marriage, my family and myself.
This is the oft-discussed, but little seen AHA moment. It was a struggle and a load of crap to get here, but I'm starting to feel much better.
This was still one of the hardest notes I've ever written, but it's also a turning point. I'm different, and hopefully better. I'm not sorry I knew him, but I am sorry that I wasted so much precious time falling in a love with a man who was and will never be mine, when I have a man at home right now who DOES love me and IS mine.
Now I'm packing it up for the day and going home to my man.
--Shel

BROVO
Free
Shel-
<<>>
So very true. Go girl!!!
SS
Hiya Shel,
<<>>
Good for you! You've said so, now MAKE it so.
You've set your boundaries and you are now responsible for maintaining them.
Proud of you, poppet.
Strength & peace,
Posie