Last time

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Last time
4
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 2:54pm

I need to go NC and let it go.  Obviously AP isn't going to respond and I need to let it go.  I am dangerously close to looking like an idiot. We have a pattern that leads to embarrassment and pain.  He ignores me and I react.   He knows how to push my buttons.  And for what?  Probably nothing to do with me and his selfish ass.

I needed his friendship yesterday.  And nothing.   No response in this game of his.  Showed his true colors yet again.  I decided to take back my dignity and self respect.  I no longer want to feel like this.  This isn't fun.  A's are supposed to be fun.

I have been lurking over hear from MAS.  It was a short time from there to here unlike last time.  I must remember that Xap's don't change.  NC is effective for a reason.  30 min of NC so far. Lol. Here's to not looking like an idiot!

 

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Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 3:17pm

Welcome over here, LostbutnotfoundSmile

Congratulations on your now 45 minutes of NC and reclaimed dignity.

I'm glad you've been lurking here, so you understand how and why NC works.  No more embarrassing moments and no more pain from the affair interaction...only silence from here on in.

Now, have you blocked all avenues of communication to protect yourself?  

About that silence from here on in...did you actually bring your affair to a close with a formal message.  I mean, that is really the best way...so that down the line you don't start negotiating with the ole "but I never said goodbye'.  I think it is important so you are both on the same page and know it is truly the end.  Something short and simple..."I am done...you will receive no further contact from me...do not contact me."  Then, block all avenues of communication...down to the teeniest of weeniest paths.

Can you do that?

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader...EAS


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 3:27pm

Hi Lost - by my count it's almost an hour! Yay! I have a couple of thoughts for you, one is that yes, NC is most definitely the way out and onto the high road again. But I would encourage you to think of NC as a forward move, you are taking charge of the rest of your life and not looking back. It is not a reaction to his not contacting you - a "well, since he isn't responding, then nyah nyah to him."  The reason for this is that you will be less likely to react to any future possible entanglements with xAP and will have a better perspective on why you are moving on. It is hard, and you will question youself along the way. So look forward, cut the ties, block the emails, change names, whatever you have to do. you are right that xAPs do not change ( my A was 12 yrs) - if they were not there for you once then they are not likely to ever really be there for you, except at their convenience or when they think you are ending. Any contact now would only be a temporary patch and you'll be on the hamster wheel again! So give yourself a nice new Year's present and keep up NC. Hour 2, here you come.  ~ Daisy

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 4:02pm
Thank you both so much! I have been down the NC route before for 3 years. I know I can do it. No, I did not delete everything. One step at a time. That is a very wussy way to feel and bash away. Lol. I did think about it while making my coffee. No, no last post. NC is just that. I will not react. I will retract. I am calming myself. I delved into a good book for 3 hours this morning. After I sent him a clear headed message asking what the deal was and saying I will not react. Thar he is not pushing my buttons. My plate is full and i will not play his games. That was the last and final text I told myself I will send. He never says goodbye and he leaves the door open whether I send the goodbye message or not, it will not matter. He won't respond. This is his way of getting me to react and say stupid things which I started to do. I am keeping busy and going to finish my book. 1 hour 40 min!!!

 

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Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: wClarity
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 5:42pm

Nahhh...no bashing allowed.  Your future will, however, be dependent upon just why you are going NC today...if you are playing a game as well or if you are serious.  When we are serious, we leave no door open...not even ajar.  And even if we 'feel' serious at the moment, there will be weak moments...so slamming that door shut and then nailing it shut...so even we can't slip in and back...is in our best interest.

Okay..so what's the count now?  2 hours...40 minutes! You're on a roll! 

Clarity

Community Leader...EAS