Laying down the lies...

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Laying down the lies...
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 10:38am
Okay, everyone, here is a thread where you have an opportunity to lay down the lies...those lies we chose to believe as the truth and nothing but (amazing what a foggy head will do to someone living in an A-hole).

I'll start! :)
Lies I chose to believe:
1) I'll be your friend always.
2) (after I lost my wedding ring) That was a sign.
3) H will divorce you when he finds out about the A.
4) I'll always be here for you. I'm not going anywhere.
5) you are the nicest woman I ever met. (how touching)
6) your H can never know about us. Don't ever tell him. (then, just 10 months later, he did)
7) I'll take you to Germany, buy you a horse, buy you jewelry (right before A ended, I found out he foreclosed on his house TWICE and was sued by a credit card company)
8) You just need some loving that your H can't give you right now.
9) I love blondes. (I am really enjoying my darker, more natural hair color now!)
10) Your H won't ever change. I've seen what happens with people like that. He will never really understand you. there are 10 of them. Not sure if those are the top ten, but they were definately ones I chose to believe. If you can, take a moment to jot some down and then really see them for what they are - LIES. Start believing the TRUTH...YOU are more!!!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 11:15am

1) I will never leave you. (Said by me.)

2) I would make you the happiest woman in the world. (Only I--Birdsong--can do that.)

3) Let's put that on the "someday" list. (There will never be a "someday.")

4) Run away with me. (How easy to ask that of someone you know can never do that. How safe, knowing the answer will always be no.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 11:26am
1) I'm not "in love" with my W like I am with you.
2) I've never felt this connected to anyone before.
3) having you in my life makes me happy, feel alive again.
4) I love you & care about you SO much

Sometimes love just isn't enough.... NC since 7-30-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 11:42am

Every lie in the A was actually told by myself, to myself. I have to say, ap was honest and clear and never made promises. Sometimes I wish he would have just told me what I wanted to hear! The things I made myself believe:

I can never be happy with my H again

AP is the ONLY one I will ever want

He really wants to be with me, but he is forcing himself to do the right thing

NC is killing him like it's killing me, so I should just get in touch

I will never get over him

If only one of us had confessed our feelings sooner, we'd be together for real

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 11:42am
1. I am not married
2. I want to have a baby with you
3. I love you
4. My wife is not pregnant
5 We are not together, I am only still living there cuz the kids...classic lie!!!
6. Then when I found out he was married, I am getting a D...blah blah
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 12:07pm

The lies I believed most were the ones _I_ told myself:

I can do this and not harm my family.

This is actually helping me deal with the stresses in my marriage by alleviating the pressure for sex, connection, affection that I'm not getting at home.

I'm not going to get caught, and nobody is going to get hurt (but me.)

He gets me.

I get him.

I like listening to his endless whining... it makes me feel needed and useful.

I love him.

I am his friend.

My career is not suffering.

I am entitled to a little 'happiness'.

I"m justified; after all, H is not living up to _his_ end of the bargain.

He's a good guy in a bad place, that's all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 12:16pm
I agree with Dee that the person who lied to me was me. I too thought that:

This is not hurting my family
He is my best friend
We "get" each other
This is helping my M since I am jumping H's bones all the time and he is loving it
We would have been together if we had met at a different time

xAP told me no lies. With.the possible.exception.of "I will always be your friend". But, then again, he does want and think we can be friends. Ha.

I think he told *himself* a lot of the lies I told myself too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 12:18pm

1. I love you and always will.

2. Above all I am your friend.

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 1:40pm
Yep...and I also want to add that it is good that some of you are coming up with lies we told ourselves. We had to tell ourselves these lies in order to hang on to the fast-fraying rope that was the only thing to cling to in the A-hole...we tried to cling to him/her, but they were too slippery and we were left with ourselves to deal with. Too painful, too difficult...more lies being told to ourselves helped to temporarily "numb" up the pain. The xap was doing the same thing to himself/herself. Both of us were fighting a losing battle.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 2:29pm

1. I'm not going anywhere

2. I can't leave "right now."

3. "I need to get the girls out of the house first." (daughters off to college/military)

4. My M has bad days, weeks, months

5. "We're giving each other something we need right now"


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 3:51pm