least traumatic way to end an EMA?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
least traumatic way to end an EMA?
2
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 7:00pm
okay. I think I want to end my EMA. I have already decided and communicated that I don't want to see MM over the summer: too difficult with my kids at home, family vacations planned, no easy way to communicate, etc.. I don't plan on starting this back up again in the fall. Is it okay that I NOT reveal that to MM? I know that I would probably want to know, he deserves to know. But, I don't want a big deal made of this . . . because then I'm afraid I'll get all emotional and maybe not end the affair. I would prefer to ride off into the sunset and sort of fade away. Do you think this is a realistic plan? I'd appreciate any thoughts. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 8:39pm
That is EXACTLY how I wanted my ema to end - but my MM just dumped me today and I am hurting - but that is a different post.

Don't know if it will work - but I was thinking it would keep things neat and clean and not ruin something. No hard feelings, no resenting eachother - just memories and wondering if it will happen again UNTIL you realize that you are far enough out of it that you don't want to (or realize you are strong enough) not to go back. Oh how I wished that had happened with me.

I think it is a great plan - and one I even discussed with my MM when we started. We both wanted things to end gradually and smoothly. Good luck and be strong. It sucks when one of you ends it before the other is ready - like the place I am in now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 12:40am
There is no way to stop something when you DON'T want it & they do want it without some emotion & trauma involved. The IDEA of NC over the summer is a great one & could lead to weaning your dependence from the affair & make your decision to end it easier & possibly end his dependence & make it easier on him as well.

BUT I wonder if it will work. Will NC that he thinks is just a break intensify his desire to see you & start some wretched cycle of NC/c/NC/c that becomes a mess you never wanted?

Good luck. I weaned myself from my A (I'm single, he was MM) over a six month period, seeing MM less and doing other things more. When I was ready, I ended it & was very firm on NC -- it was a mess and he stalked very mildly, though it was uncomfortable for a time. He was very very upset. I actually did miss him but had a great therapist and met a wonderful single guy who helped me through it. I feel very badly about the whole mess and wish I'd found that therapist 3 years before!