On the ledge...PLEASE HELP!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2010
On the ledge...PLEASE HELP!!!!
8
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 12:18pm

Help.

Imustenjoypain!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 12:28pm
Are you M? If so, call your H. If you are single call a friend. Ask yourself if a few minutes of pleasure is worth all the pain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 12:34pm

Hello IMEP,

First off - huge props for coming here for support!!!

Here is part of a response E1 sent me when I was having an SOS moment. I too work with my xAP so I can relate to what you are going through:

That pain is ending and the pain of loss takes its place. It’s grieving and the pain of mourning but it is bearable compared to the pain of stripping away of one’s dignity, self-worth, and moral fiber. It is pain which has stages and gets easier over time. The pain of staying in the A (even mentally) is never ending and gets worse overtime and in the end yields nothing. This new pain of ending and grieving has a purpose.

Allow yourself some time to grieve today and when that time is up force yourself to do something else anything else that is productive and tell yourself you will deal with the rest of how your are feeling tomorrow. Take a break from the work for an hour or so and then go back and set a realistic goal of how much you think you can accomplish today. Then stick to that goal.

***

I know it is a struggle. If I saw my xAP smile at me like that, I would think, you smug little &*#! I would feel so frustrated and angry. Like, how they heck can you just smile at me like that and keep walking!? I would rather he ignore me than smile at me.

I also think it might be time to switch you moniker. I know what you mean by "I must enjoy pain" ... because I keep coming back for more! But, naming is important, and it is time to re-think the whole - I must enjoy pain - to something that says NO to pain - that you won't tolerate it any longer. I guess it is my own trigger too - because when I work with women who have experienced violence, they say the same thing - that on some level they must enjoy being abused, or else they would leave. And I just don't see it that way at all. None of us enjoys pain - but the pain can become so familiar that there is more discomfort in removing it because the unfamiliar can feel so scary. You gotta go there though - it is part of it all.

((hugs))

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 1:30pm

Can you leave work? Say you are not feeling well today? I would high-tail it out of there if the temptation becomes too strong. Spare yourself the agony of sitting there thinking about that suave MM strut and smile, probably one he uses on any pretty lady in the building. You are stronger than you think...so START THINKING with your head and not your ego!


Keep us posted and please don't do anything you are going to regret. Good for you coming here first.


((Hugs))

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 2:00pm

Oh how I know all of this. Except that egomaniac that I got for xap won't just smile and walk away. He would stop by to say hi. Or to show me his new pictures (to make sure I know how good he looks). Or to ask something work-related. Or to pick up some papers. Or you know, just to make sure I am still around and won't slap him across the face next time he will feel like checking up on me. His list of very slick excuses is endless, and at some point I can only laugh at his desperation because I know what he's doing. He can't stand being ignored, I really thought his fragile ego won't be able to take so much rejection, but he proved me wrong.

So, IMEP (and yeah, what's up with that name??), all you have to do is to smile back and keep walking with your head held high. Away from him, away. My personal favorite is coming to work looking beautiful with a great smile, and walk right past by him all victorious and glowing with joy. Even if I feel like I am dying inside - fake it till you make it, KWIM?

I was one of those fools who got the whole nine yards that you think you wanted - "I love you's" and "I want to be with you forever", and promises of Happily Ever After, and everything else that kept me hanging for far too long.
So don't feel foolish because he never said those special words to you. In the end, it all meant nothing. Him making promises, breaking promises, empty love words, endless BS excuses - its all water under the bridge. Hang in there. LC is tough, but yes, it can be done, me and many others are living proof of it.

xoxo
Gone

**Bloodied but unbowed**
**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 2:48pm
Only you have the power to say no. You have to remain resolved, IMEP, because if you don't you are going to feel a hundred times worse. TRUST ME. Like Iddy suggested, leave work if you can. Call someone. Do anything to take your mind off of him. Don't allow him to have the power over you by giving in to your momentary temptation. It's not worth it, sweetie.
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 3:46pm

I'm hanging tough.

Imustenjoypain!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 4:20pm

That little smirk of his is him saying "yeah, I know I'm making you sweat and you want me."

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 4:52pm
Right on, Sista!!!! MFs....all of them. blech.
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.