Lessons my A taught me (now that it's over)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
Lessons my A taught me (now that it's over)
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 11:48am

It's easy to vent and focus on the negatives and the regrets that resulted from our As. But I thought it would be fun and helpful to post a list of the 5 key things I learned now that the A is over and I have that less emotionally-fueled perspective (or at least less fueled by positive emotions for xAP).

Here are my top 5 lessons learned. What are yours?

1. What someone DOES is far more telling/important than anything he/she SAYS. Lies are easy to tell, but the truth is easy to see in behaviors and actions.
2. When a man wants something, he is able to overlook a lot of reasons not to pursue it until he gets his fix.
3. Affairs result from something one is lacking in their own life that they can only truly get from themselves or their "public"/real partner.
4. You can love two people at once, but you can only be faithful, respectable (including self-respecting), and fair if you only act on your feelings for ONE.
5. An A is a game with no winners. Ever. No exceptions!! Even those who have their cake and eat it too and feel no regret and never get caught don't win because they are LOSERS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 12:23pm

I love these types of threads.

My turn

1.  When someone actually TELLS YOU they are a liar...believe them. DUH!!!!!

2.  We teach people how to treat us...when we disrespect ourselves, others will follow our lead.

3.  When we accept being number 2...we will remain number 2

4.  Know  who you are and no one can tell you differently.

5.  Pay attention to your relationships because they are reflection of you.  Don't like the reflection?...make the necessary changes 'til you do.

6.  Biggest lesson of all.  Yes, we WILL get what we deserve...and again, that will be reflected back at us through our relationships.  

Thanks for starting this thread, redlightogo.




iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2010

Excellent stuff you guys!  redlightgo, your number one thing is so right on.

Here's a few I'm thinking of at the moment:

1.   Follow your gut; pay attention when your intuition tells you something is not right or you don't really like something about the way you're being treated.

2.   That I am capable of lying and being so selfish, without regard to others, especially my loved ones.  And that my poor choices have kept me from all the wonderful things God has planned for me. 

3.   That our actions determine how others will view us and treat us.

4.   That being in an A is totally UNCOOL and not acceptable behavior in our society.

5.   That I have poor boundaries (something I'm working on now!)

6.   That doing something that pulls on my conscience makes me physically, emotionally and spiritually unwell!

Will probably come up with more as I think on this; great food for thought!