"To Let Go"..worth a read
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| Mon, 02-14-2005 - 10:12am |
I was chatting online with XMM the other day, and made this statement to him "I can't ever get back what I had, so I had to let it go". He just responded with a sad face icon :(
Then later the same day, I came across this paragraph about letting go. I then emailed it to him, hoping he would understand better what letting go IS and what letting go ISN'T. I must have read this a dozen times since I found it.
I know many of us are a bit sad today, feeling like we really want to tell him/her that we are thinking of them on Valentines Day, but I hope this helps someone like it has me, to really understand how letting go will make you a stronger and better person.
To let go doesn't mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization that I don't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means that outcome is not in my hands.
To let go I not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to face reality.
To let go not to in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.
Hugs to all,
Pup

Wow!! Well said!
Murf
Great read! Thanx! I can really read that now that I am feeling stronger after almost 5 weeks. I too have limited contact with MM but that hasnt hindered my healing b/c this time i knew I had to let go. This "poem" says a lot how you really do feel when the dark cloud begins to pass a tiny bit!
Bria
Edited 2/14/2005 10:42 am ET ET by capnmit
That was something I REALLY needed to read!!!
Thanks hurt!!
Doves
if i can do have of it , i will be feeling much better , im working on it one at a time, just a bad day today at work
max
This poem is so true, I have been feeling a little down today for the obvious reasons, Although my affair is over and I have come a long way, I can tell u that the memory from last years Valentines with him for some reason is really haunting me today. I have not stopped thinking of him all day. The road to recovery is so long. My best to all I hope everyone is ok today...
Take Care,
Ladybug
Hi ladybug, I can hear the sadness in your post. Today is just the 14th of February, just another day on the calendar.
Believe me, the thought of sending a quick "thinking of you" text message crossed my mind, but I've resisted because I don't want to keep sending him mixed messages. He's always been hopeful that he can put all this back together again,..and I give him credit for trying, but he was never able to give me what I needed..which was peace of mind. So I hate to give him the idea that it's possible that I'm over here still wishing us back together.
I sent him that poem hoping it's a clear message that I HAVE let go, but that it doesn't mean I don't care..it just means the only thing I have control of is me. Which obviously I haven't up until that moment in time when I said "we can't see each other anymore". That's when I got back my control, and little by little, I'm finding ME again. The ME whose mind wasn't preoccupied all the time, the ME that wasn't angry, hurt, and resentful, the ME that didn't spend countless hours away from my family because I was on the computer talking to another man.
I just got SO tired of feeling lousy all the time. I remind myself of that when I feel like seeing him and it works. So ladybug, when you are feeling like you are now, try not to think of all the good stuff, stay away from that type of thinking..instead, try to remember WHY you need it to be over. Remembering all the romantic stuff will chip away at any progress you've made and make it that much more tempting to contact him. Everytime I think "I miss the times we met for breakfast and sat by the river like teenagers in love", I replace it with "remember how much you've changed your life for him, and he hasn't changed one thing for you". Works everytime.
Hi Hurt,
Yes there is sadness for me whenever I think of him but you can trust me when I tell you I miss him not the affair. Its been over since Aug 04, He was a very special person to me and I did fall head over heels for him but truth be told its over. I have not had contact with him in a very long time the last time I did was a chance encounter that left me blindsided when he asked me to go back to our "friendship". If I walked away from that trust me there is no way I will at this point brake contact or let myself get involved with him again.
I know tha at the begginning we all go through this enourmous amount of hurt,I beleive that its our willpower and strengths that get us through those hard times. Thank god mine came because ending my affair was hard and painful. I hope you are doing good and if I can help you with anything I am here for you. Keep up your strength it sounds you have the right idea and are starting a new...
Take Care..
Thanks
Ladybug
wow Lady you sound like you are doing good and your's ended more recently than mine! :( But mine has had contact a couple times since it ended so...
I've not seen him since May of last year and yet I feel like I'd cave right now if he was even HALF interested! :( And I have almost 10 month of healing (yeah right!) under my belt! I wish I sounded as good as you! :( I thought I was... but... I'm back in the gutter now! :(
Hi Newbbie
I am sorry you still feel this way, dont get me wrong I care for this person very much and I still hurt sometimes, but I had to make the decision to either let it consume me or deal with it head on and I got tired of feeling depressed and hurt for such a long time. It was a mutual decision among both our parts to end the affair. We went back and forth and it was pretty bad the first couple of months but as time went by and I started to stick with the NC and so did he things got easier, until I ran into him in December and he told me to come back. I couldn't I knew I would be setting myself back big time. The affair ended because my hubby almost busted us and I could not bear the risk of letting that happen again. I guess this is why I have stayed away and will continue to do so. Its hard but It can be done. Time heals all wounds. Stay strong and good luck to you.
Welcome to the board this was a life saver for me when I truly needed it. TThere are alot of great people on this board you will soon see. I am here if you need me.
Take Care
Ladybug