Let's talk about sex...

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Let's talk about sex...
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 12:37am

Sex w my H has always been ok, not bad, not great, just ok. Of course it was better in the beginning when we were both teenagers and much thinner. But this last year with xAP sex was GREAT!!! I was having sex w xAP once a week and hardly any with my H. With my H I think a lot of the problem is his weight. He has gained over 100 lbs over the last 18 years, which limits the positions we can have sex in. Plus he will go maybe 10 minutes then be done and snoring. XAP is a lot thinner, more passionate, and we could go all night long. My problem now is I'm trying to work things out with H, have had sex with H a couple of times since ending A, but I find myself still fantasizing about xAP. How can I get this thoughts out of my head? Or is this just another one of those things that will only go away with time?

Avatar for worthmore
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2012
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 11:57am

I find it toughest to exercise mental discipline during sex but it is possible. When my mind drifts unbidden to sex with xap when I'm actually having sex with H, I try to shut down all thinking. I become on big v and focus on how good something feels.

It's also important to remember that there's a fantasy element to A sex. Xap and I would plan an afternoon and have as much sex as we could in a three-hour period. That amount dwindled over the years but it was still more than he would have been able to keep up on a daily basis. It wasn't real life. We need to remember that.

So, create some new fantasies with H. Buy a soft rug. Have sex in the kitchen. Whatever. Just make an effort to enjoy yourself in the moment and thoughts of xap will fade because you're not feeding them. That's what's working for me anyway.