Letting go and Acceptance, Chime in
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| Thu, 05-20-2010 - 4:04pm |
Hello All,
I have these great thoughts while driving. It's like these light bulbs go off when I am in the car for some reason. I am hoping this helps some newbie's see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I remember not too long ago (almost 6 months NC), when I thought I could not breath without MM. I knew he was scum and I still ached for him. It made not sense. This man had lied to me about being M and about every aspect of his life. Yet, I sat there and could never imagine him out of my life completely. Thought that somehow we might wind up together. I resented his W for NO reason. I was selfish and vile. The very thought of him being hers was so hard to accept. It was sheer agony, I know you can all relate. I was envious of her and their kids and did not value all the blessings I had. Man, the fog of an A is so darn thick.
But it hit me today, I was alone, nothing on the radio, just me and my thoughts, it hit me. I let him go. I left him to the wind. I accept that not only is it over but that nothing real had ever begun. I accept that he is with his W and will continue to be. And that is ok. Fine by me. I accept my part. I accept that it is all over. Really over. He is not in my world and not in his. I gave up so much for him. I had serious health problems. He was never there. He never really cared, despite all the times he told me he loved me, those were words...just words.
He is gone. It is over. I accept that. And I am ok with it. The agony is gone. And yes, I now know that I am so much better off. As bad as this A was, I am so well aware of my decisions and the people I interact with. No being friends with any MM, unless me and his wife are friends and she is keenly aware. In fact, me and her better be better friends. I do not even want to interact with a MM.
Its taboo. Its unhealthy.
So its Ok to let go and its ok that he is with her and it is ok for me to go on and be happy and not let him phase me. I am almost there ladies. You either are too, or you will be soon.
Please know that I hurt and still have tough days, but I have forgiven me, God has, and I walk with my head up, not in shame. I am whole again. I feel like letting him go has lifted a tiny yet annoying monkey off of my back...when you really let go, you will feel the stress less. You will sleep better.
He will not be your first or last thought of the day. It just unfolds.
I accept it and I let it go...give it some time, we will all be there.
ladies that have BTDT, or on your way, please chime in, there is a lot of sadness on this board today and a lot of newbies and I am trying to show them how to get where we are....and how refreshing it is.
thanks so much gang,
Luvin

Hi Luvin'-
I think I have actually written this exact post either on my blog on in an email to myself. I am on the exact same page as you. Bravo for having this epiphany and sharing it here.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane,
U n I seem to write the same things quite often...although I do nit think I am neat as gifted a writer. Thanks for the encouragement. N I am pleased to be on this road with you.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Dear Luvin,
I loved this post - thank you. I felt a wave of total acceptance wash over me the last couple of days. What an incredible feeling.
Thank you Luvin - for always being 'here' for us.
TU.
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
luvin,
Thank you for the thread.
Hi Luvin
Thanx for sharing ...