Letting go of the my addiction

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2009
Letting go of the my addiction
7
Thu, 10-08-2009 - 7:56pm
I am having trouble getting over my ex. I was a late bloomer. I did not even have my first kiss until I was 18 yo and in college. I dated a couple of guys in my early undergraduate years and then
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
Fri, 10-09-2009 - 1:58pm

desperate2boverhim -


I can relate to your situation.

NC since October 2, 2009.

&nbsp
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2009
Sat, 10-10-2009 - 9:56am
Thank you so much for the reply. I love this message board because I know that there are others here that can relate to me and not judge me. Justposting on here and reading through other people's storie has been so freeing for me because I no longer feel like I'm alone or like I can't talk to anyone about how I feel for fear of shame and judgement. I'm slowly allowing myself to heal and I'm happy that you are doing the same.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Fri, 10-16-2009 - 5:35pm

I found your story amazingly similar to mine. it's quite scary.

It has taken me a good year and a half to move on after the affair of a man i thought was the love of my life. His actions or inactions and clear lack of interest in me and my life shows me that there is NO WAY that he was the love of my life. You need to remind yourself of this EVERY SINGLE day. YOu need to understand that he was merely a fantasy or person that you share chemistry with and nothing more.

It has taken me a decade and a half to realize that if xAP and i actually got together we would have a lot of problems as well. NC is the only way to get you out of the pattern.

please let me know how you are doing. if i can do this ANYBODY CAN....honestly.

MW

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2009
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 5:21pm
Thank you so much for your response. It is nice to know that other people understand how I feel and are not judgemental of me. I am really struggling today. I am craving me xAP. I get triggered to sexually act out with my xAP whenever I am anxious. He makes me feel secure when I talk to him because it seems like nothing bothers him. I find his masculinity very comforting. Its funny because my husband is a much more secure person than my xAP and a much better person in general. But nonetheless when Im stressed
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 5:31pm

I was the same, meaning contacting him when i felt anxious or down . but u know why they appear to be great listeners... because they don't have to do anything! it's easy to be all sweet and warm when he isn't the one to make the changes.

Just resist the urge to contact when u are down and the rest will follow. Trust me I had to retrain my brain after YEARS to realizing he is NOT my love and AP isn't yours either!!!

Hugs MW

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 5:48pm

MW -


You hit the nail on the head!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 10:24pm

TOTALLY!!! FOr me AP numbed the pain of a very unhealthy and painful marriage. but that's all he did numb the pain and gave me a false fantasy. i had to come to earth before i realized that AP was just a waste of time and didn't let me grow and figure out what to do with my marriage.

this is so hard. I still feel a little pain of xAP and i have realized that the history between xAP and i is such that i have to stay away to survive or i can easily be sucked in by this guy i have chemistry with.