Letting it out

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2011
Letting it out
15
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 8:34am
Since I finally found this amazing place, I've decided to let out some of the feelings I've been keeping inside. Any insight from any of you for how you got through feelings like these would be so appreciated!
I'm a mistake- during the A I always felt so vulnerable knowing that I could be thrown away like a piece of trash at anytime. We used to say that we need to take care of ourselves so we could live long enough to be together some day when we where both single. I also told him that even if I couldn't be with him it didn't matter because just knowing that I had someone as wonderful as him that loved me it was worth it all. He told me he would never think of me as a mistake because I was the most wonderful person he had ever known. Well, he did throw me a way like a piece of trash. Pretty much just I'm done, good bye and stay away from me. He even told my husband to tell me not to call or text him anymore. He had no intention of ever talking to me again. I feel like such a mistake to him and it makes me feel like such a piece of sh** ! And then I get so upset for letting one person make me feel that way. He was my best friend before the A ever happened, and I never thought in a million years he could end things the way he did. I completely trusted him with my feelings because he knew me better than anyone. I know that I am not capable of treating people that way. I really try hard to treat others feelings as if they are the most fragile thing in the world. And I don't see how someone who claims to love you can be so careless. This happened 10 months ago, afterward when anyone besides my kids told me they loved me it made me cringe. I'm a little better now, but I still don't even like to hear it and definitely don't trust it. I get very upset with myself for getting myself involved in this A. I take full responsibility, because I am an adult who made the decisions I did. I'm actually not mad at him at all because I had the choice. I just don't know what to do about this constant thought that I was a mistake!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2011
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 4:28pm
I was implying the judgment of me not considering my H being crushed. And that I was having an EM when I said we where best friends. She was just very assuming. In my situation luckily I seem to be the only one hurt by it. And I am thankful for that. I'm sorry if I've came off so defensive. It was a big step for me to open up like I did. This seemed like a safe place where others can understand and offer their wisdom. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 4:33pm
This IS a safe and very supportive, loving place. Post often. It's a terrible thing to experience something so life-altering with no-one to commiserate.

You don't have to hurt alone. You don't have to heal, mourn, fight, overcome alone. We are all here for your best interest. And, right now, you might not even know what that is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 4:56pm
(((SB))

Please don't let 1 post set you back. You've received many others that are supportive and understanding. I am proud of you for coming here and opening up.

((Hugs))
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 5:58pm
She was right...MOM has her way of saying things, but know that she is way nicer than she used to be, ask anyone of us on her that has been here a while, she meant no harm, she was right, even though she comes off as being judgemental, she is not. You can not see what we do now. You are still in what we call the "fog" around here. Whether your H was fine with it and his W encouraged it or not, still not ok and still very wrong and I am sure it has caused pain among you all in one way or another. I mean...your children have done stuff together. This selfish behavior has affected others. That is not friendship. Your "friendship" was over the minute the A started, PA or EA, that was just bad, and once you make that turn and cross the line, you think your friends....real friendship is not hidden, it does not eradicate and eat away at your soul. it does not hurt-EVER. He can say you are the most wonderful person, but we just say a lot of SHiz in these A's, most of which we believe at the time, but are really lies. Your reaction to MOM was coming from you being sensitive right now and I understand it. MOM has been a A haver and a BS...so she sees boths sides of things. She called you on your post...and I know her and know that was a toned down version of her style. She has really tried addressing the way she handles things. Please do not take it personally. She is very valuable. VERY. She does not post often, but she does post good stuff. Hang in there, better days will come. You are your best friend right now. NOT him, nor was he and over time you will see that. You are all defensive of your relationship with someone who showed your better than he could tell you how he REALLY felt.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Sun, 03-20-2011 - 7:57am

((((SB))))

Welcome and please don't feel judged here, no-one judges here and if they do they would be the extreme minority.

You are right there are different circumstances surrounding affairs, but lies, betrayal, disappointments, pain and rejection are all without question the common denominators.

You are not a mistake, your XAP is really referring to the relationship as being a mistake, something he wished he never partook in, because of the consequences he is currently dealing with.

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