Letting it out
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Letting it out
| Fri, 03-18-2011 - 8:34am |
Since I finally found this amazing place, I've decided to let out some of the feelings I've been keeping inside. Any insight from any of you for how you got through feelings like these would be so appreciated!
I'm a mistake- during the A I always felt so vulnerable knowing that I could be thrown away like a piece of trash at anytime. We used to say that we need to take care of ourselves so we could live long enough to be together some day when we where both single. I also told him that even if I couldn't be with him it didn't matter because just knowing that I had someone as wonderful as him that loved me it was worth it all. He told me he would never think of me as a mistake because I was the most wonderful person he had ever known. Well, he did throw me a way like a piece of trash. Pretty much just I'm done, good bye and stay away from me. He even told my husband to tell me not to call or text him anymore. He had no intention of ever talking to me again. I feel like such a mistake to him and it makes me feel like such a piece of sh** ! And then I get so upset for letting one person make me feel that way. He was my best friend before the A ever happened, and I never thought in a million years he could end things the way he did. I completely trusted him with my feelings because he knew me better than anyone. I know that I am not capable of treating people that way. I really try hard to treat others feelings as if they are the most fragile thing in the world. And I don't see how someone who claims to love you can be so careless. This happened 10 months ago, afterward when anyone besides my kids told me they loved me it made me cringe. I'm a little better now, but I still don't even like to hear it and definitely don't trust it. I get very upset with myself for getting myself involved in this A. I take full responsibility, because I am an adult who made the decisions I did. I'm actually not mad at him at all because I had the choice. I just don't know what to do about this constant thought that I was a mistake!!!!!!
I'm a mistake- during the A I always felt so vulnerable knowing that I could be thrown away like a piece of trash at anytime. We used to say that we need to take care of ourselves so we could live long enough to be together some day when we where both single. I also told him that even if I couldn't be with him it didn't matter because just knowing that I had someone as wonderful as him that loved me it was worth it all. He told me he would never think of me as a mistake because I was the most wonderful person he had ever known. Well, he did throw me a way like a piece of trash. Pretty much just I'm done, good bye and stay away from me. He even told my husband to tell me not to call or text him anymore. He had no intention of ever talking to me again. I feel like such a mistake to him and it makes me feel like such a piece of sh** ! And then I get so upset for letting one person make me feel that way. He was my best friend before the A ever happened, and I never thought in a million years he could end things the way he did. I completely trusted him with my feelings because he knew me better than anyone. I know that I am not capable of treating people that way. I really try hard to treat others feelings as if they are the most fragile thing in the world. And I don't see how someone who claims to love you can be so careless. This happened 10 months ago, afterward when anyone besides my kids told me they loved me it made me cringe. I'm a little better now, but I still don't even like to hear it and definitely don't trust it. I get very upset with myself for getting myself involved in this A. I take full responsibility, because I am an adult who made the decisions I did. I'm actually not mad at him at all because I had the choice. I just don't know what to do about this constant thought that I was a mistake!!!!!!

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You don't have to hurt alone. You don't have to heal, mourn, fight, overcome alone. We are all here for your best interest. And, right now, you might not even know what that is.
Please don't let 1 post set you back. You've received many others that are supportive and understanding. I am proud of you for coming here and opening up.
((Hugs))
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
((((SB))))
Welcome and please don't feel judged here, no-one judges here and if they do they would be the extreme minority.
You are right there are different circumstances surrounding affairs, but lies, betrayal, disappointments, pain and rejection are all without question the common denominators.
You are not a mistake, your XAP is really referring to the relationship as being a mistake, something he wished he never partook in, because of the consequences he is currently dealing with.
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