Life changing moment
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| Wed, 05-26-2004 - 6:45pm |
Well, when I think back on the last six months I realize that that isn't so far fetched after all. I absolutely can pinpoint the moment when everything changed. When I became a person who was capable of lieing to and being unfaithful to my husband. Something I never imagined I had in me.
The evening started out innocently enough. "Girls Night Out" with a several friends from my daughters pre-school. We have all known each other for years and had been talking about a night on the town for years, and we finally coordinated our schedules. I spotted the incredibly sexy young bartender moments after we walked into the club. As he flirtatiously took my second drink order I blurted out something about how hot he was (it was one of those inadvertent thinking out load moments). He leaned over the bar and whispered in my ear that I "had a hella hot sexy body and he wanted to get naked with me". That was the moment. The moment when I began to think of the possibility, something I had never even considered before.
Just days before, my husband had commented that I was not "sexy", that I was just cute...not something a woman ever wants to hear.
When this amazing looking young man said that to me it sent my stomach spinning. We flirted all night and I kissed him goodbye, and thought that would be it. I remeber just wanting to know what it felt like to kiss someone else -- it had been so long since I had experienced anyone else's lips. But "the moment" escalated and I found that I couldn't get him out of my mind so I contacted him through the club, and well...the fling was unbelievably hot yet brief.
It has been over for almost two months now -- by his choice not mine. Ironically he had more of a guilty conscience about the whole thing than I. My only guilt was for not feeling guilty about what I was doing. I still think about him far too often, and constantly hope that I will hear from him or might somehow run into him somewhere (highly unlikely...suburban soccer moms and 29 year old urban bad boys don't often cross paths).
I miss the high and excitement of being bad, not to mention the wonders that the stress did for my waistline...
Sorry for ranting on...catharsis...I am sure you all understand.
Just curious about others of you and your "life changing moments"
--verge

Emma
Those are the parts about my A i miss. I wish i could say Om was a jerk but he wasn't, isn't. He loved me and wanted to be with me for the rest of our lives. I love him but i didn't think the outcome of it could be as great as the A was. Believe me, i thought about leaving, but i have a three year old dd to think about and a Dh that just because he has some growing up to do, hasn't really done anything wrong.
I live everyday with the fact that i am the second girl to break OM's heart. I can't sleep thinking about how he should hate me, he doesn't. I want to call, write, to explain but what is there to explain. The wound will heal, he will end up with a wonderful girl who will be treated and loved like a queen. I told him on our last conversation together it is possible to be in love with someone and not end up with them.
This is my first step in forgiving myself for the last year and to start fresh. i will always miss the friendship i had with om because i told him everything. I will miss the mind boggling sex. ut, i had all that with dh when we first started dating 5 years ago. I just have to find it again.
wow that felt good. Thanks
sbo
:)