Life feels "flat". Not sure how to deal
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Life feels "flat". Not sure how to deal
| Thu, 09-10-2009 - 1:14pm |
Well, riding the NC wagon once again.
| Thu, 09-10-2009 - 1:14pm |
Well, riding the NC wagon once again.
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Hi LAG,
I can relate. After 3 years of drama roller coaster life felt so flat and 'dull' after I walked away, I was just in a daze. My therapist and I spent a lot of time talking about that. We get so addicted to all of these unhealthy emotions and states of mind that even if they were bad for us, losing them is still a life change we need to adapt to!
>> That all of it..the ups and downs and highs and fallout and feeling alive and dead; that it meant something. That it wasn't all for nothing.
It wasn't for nothing. You learned a painful but powerful life lesson. You will gain self-esteem, maturity and a good sense of insight from all of this.
>> I wonder when I will stop feeling like life is muted again. I hope it comes soon. I just wondered if anyone else felt this as well after ending their A, and how long that lasted?
I started feeling better after about 6 weeks. YMMV as each person is different.
((((LAG)))) hang in there sweetie.
xoxo
trixie
hi- lgg.
i hope you are on the NC/EAS wagon to stay. it's the only way to get better.
what you are experiencing is something we've all been through: grief.
CL-Lovely Starr
"No memory of having starred; atones for later disregard; or keeps the end from being h
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
I feel like I can also identify with you. Your post made me think of a bible study I went to that really helped me. It was amazing actually because it was right during the worst part of what I was going through. I was very down on myself because what I allowed myself to do and life for me felt very flat and I was also considering destructive behavior (alcohol). I will try to make it a little more generic in case you aren't Christian.
It mainly stated that today is a new today. Today is the day that you move forward in your new life. You can put off your past and be made new in the attitude of your mind. You should not wear your reproach or your shame and disgrace because today you are new. We wear a reproach that we in our mind think. Today is the day that you can live, exist, enjoy life to live anew and be recovered be refreshed and rebuilt.
The speaker showed how women wear their reproach like a jacket. Most of us have at least one. I have a few. She had women wear the different jackets. One said "U" and she explained that was for being feeling like you are unwanted because you are single. "S" was for shame maybe you were molested or raped. "D" is for divorce. "F" is for fired. "A" is for affair. "B" is for bankruptcy. "TP" for terrible parent. "POM" is for pregnant outside marriage. "H" is for harlot and so forth. She said "So What!". The past is past. Today is a new day. Don't wear the jacket! Turn it inside out or take it off and burn it!
Ok, I do have to add this as a Christian. Please skip this part if you don't want to hear it. :-) God wants us to rebuild to be refreshed to be healed and to roll away from the reproach. He takes it away from us. He wants us to be made new in the attitude of our minds. Every one sins. Every one has done something wrong. You can remember from where God has taken you but do not wear it. We do get do-overs. You can have a new identity but do not buy into that old reputation. That is why he sent Jesus to us we are forgiven of all our sins.
This was all from Beth Moore from the bible study Believing in God. I hope people don't mind me adding the Christian part to it, but I do feel like it was truly amazing that I chose to call a very old friend to ask her about joining a bible study and this is the study that they were working on...amazingly perfect timing.
I also thought of a couple quotes that help me.
"A woman is like a tea bag you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water."
Also:
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." You must do the thing you cannot do.
They are both from Eleanor Roosevelt.
The other one that really helps me is "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
I hope all that helps a little and I hope the Christian part doesn't offend anyone. I really felt your pain in your post and felt compelled to respond.
Good Morning Luv~
I wanted to thank you for the wonderful post.
Are you me? Am I you? You took the words right outta my mouth. EVerything you said is how I am feeling right now.
I am considering going and buying a pack of cigarettes and I haven't smoke in 20 years.
I just got a letter from OM hoping it would say he loved me, but knowing it would say he didn't. The latter is what I got.
So, I have all these feelings of rejections and I feel ashamed knowing that all that I thought would happen with us isn't ever going to happen- he lied to me when he told me he loved me- he used me- his emails led me on making me feel like there was a chance, bla, bla.
Now I'm wondering how I will get thru it all- I went for 7 weeks NC a while back and I couldn't do it and contacted him. This time I will have to sit on my hands.
Yeah, life is flat. I don't know what to do with myself. My marriage sucks. As of last week my H was going to move out, he changes his mind day to day. I don't have any desire for him sexually and what I really want to do is run, run far far away and just leave it all behinid. Can't do that though.
I, like you, feel broken and dead inside. I lost, I didn't win what I had set out to do. I have never won, my whole life has been like that... I've always lost the ones I loved. I guess I never was enough- woman enough, beautiful enough, sexy enough, smart enough, rich enough for the man I wanted so badly.
So, I'm not on here to help you when obviously I can't help myself. Just saying that I know exactly how you are feeling.
Tessa
I thank you for telling us about the 'jacket' and how our past is past and to turn our A jacket inside out or burn it. That is something I will attempt to do but just how to get thru the pain first and the feelings of rejection is the hard part.
I know the 'truth' now at least. At least he gave me that. At least now I know he never loved me which is what I had to know and knowing that he doesn't love me also lets me know that he will never leave his wife for me. So my dreams have been squashed and I have to accept that and knowing that I have in the past accepted it by getting involved in another A to get over the pain, I know that anything (alcohol, cigarettes) is better than letting another man in my life just to let them damage my heart even more.
It would be so simple if I could just let that man be my H this time. But I can't seem to let my 'whatever it is' go- what is it- my pride, my rebellion... Sins- since you are a Christian and so am I. I have been in this battle for almost 6 years and I am weak and tired especially now bc of the finality and realization that I didn't win.
I've read all of Beth Moore's books and have learned exactly what all of this is and its all very hard.
Thanks again,
Tessa
Lost~
The most hurtful of all being that I dont believe that XAP ever cared for me AT ALL.
Lost -
I agree 100% with Lynn.
You have mentioned a couple of times that you are bothered that you did not win. I absolutely think that you won! Who else do you think won? Your xAP hasn't won as he is a miserable loser. What kind of man is he that he makes you feel like everything was for nothing? What kind of man is he if he told you things that now you know aren't true? He is a big loser he is absolutely not the winner. Who else could be the winner? His wife? She is absolutely not the winner. She is stuck with her loser husband who also used another woman while being married to her. The only winner I see here is you. The knowledge of this man's true feelings and personality is a blessing. You may not see it now, but because of this knowledge you are free. You now know he is a loser and today you can move forward and live your life without him. Thank goodness you now know the truth and no more of your life will be wasted by this man.
I was trying to say in my earlier post that the past is past and you need to move forward. And when you are ready to move forward then that is when you are renewed and refreshed and everything that happened will be in the past. You won't concern yourself with the time you lost or the fact that he didn't love you. You will be a much stronger person and I truly believe everything happens for a reason even if it makes no sense to us. We are not to know why things happen just that they do and we need to move forward. When you start new you can be whatever and whoever you want to be from that day forward. You are strong and you deserve more and you can hold your head high that you are a new person and you will be a better person as a result of what you overcame.
I know I am the person I am because of all the struggles in my past. I feel like I've been through hell and back sometimes. You are too. You sound in your post like you are a great person. You are not a bad person, you are not a slut, you are not weak-minded It is time to come to terms with what happened and get angry at the miserable loser who made you feel this way. Today is a new day!!!
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