Limbo Land is a lonely place...
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| Sat, 07-03-2004 - 10:44am |
For those of you stalled in Limbo Land, that place that keeps you imprisioned and confused, that vast oasis filled with answerless questions, 24/7 emotional pain, and delusionary perceptions of what is real in your life, realise that you cannot escape this place until your mind and heart break away in unison.
Your mind is saying "I need to end this" and your heart is saying, "I still love him." As yet, you have not taken control of your life. You are allowing a "part-time" person to have "full-time" control of your emotions, movements, decisions and commitments. Is this how you want to live? Do you want to remain as a "second choice" in your lovers life? Most men having an affair do not comprehend how their actions are affecting you. No amount of pain or suffering on your part will cause "HIM" to take action to change.
How many of these emotions can you relate to from having this affair (or maybe starting one): Lonliness, loss of self esteem, anger, jealousy, depression, anxiety, betray, suicidal thoughts, bouts of crying, loss of control, physical symptoms like weight loss or eating disorders, drinking more, complusive behaviors like shopping more, lying more...I could go on and on, but these are all characteristic of what an affair does to us. How many of these can you fess up to? Personally, I can claim at least 4, not to mention isolation from friends and family because of the secretivenes. SUCH pain, and now you are putting even MORE upon yourself for NOT being able to walk away from it. Why? Are you a masochist? Do you enjoy hurting yourself? Are you a saddest? Do you enjoy possibly ripping your family apart or his?
Fact: Most women who involve themselves with a marriad man enter into the affair believeing that they will maintain control, that they just want to see "What it is like" OR that they they will be able to maintain emotional distance. FALSE! Once you sleep with them, you are HOOKED! You have stepped over that emotional boundary that you thought you could protect yourself with...How does this happen? Because women equate love-making with "LOVE" while men equate love-making with "SEX". This is why it is so much easier for the man to walk away when the going gets tough; they have little emotional baggage folowing them out the door.
Fact: (I read this) Most married men having affairs are NOT having an affair because of "YOU". They are having it for themselves - to fill a void or psychological need that they are trying to compensate for. YOU are the vehicle for their escape from "Boredom Land" into "Fantasy Land" where we woman eventually become emotionally stuck. AND since the dynamics of an affair are rooted in lies and dishonesty (if you think for one minute his marriage is ALL that bad, you are truely mistaken), eventually this fantasy will drive your confused and hurting heart into the oasis of "Limbo Land" where you will remain until the "Ah Ha" light goes on within you.
Change is difficult. Change is painful. Change is necessary when you realise that you are stuck knee-deep in that "I don't think I'm going to make it without him" quick-sand. Is this how you want to go out? Devoured by his lies, his sexual needs, his game playing, his contol over your life, his deep-rooted problems? All of HIS weaknesses and inadequacies that he has now managed to lure you into?
You are given free-will. You are in contol of the outcome. You, and only you, is the one responsible for your happiness and peace of mind. Take back your life. Start today. Do something wonderful for yourself this holiday weekend because I can bet, "HE" is not sharing it with you....
True
Edited 7/3/2004 12:58 pm ET ET by b_true_2_yourself

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Thank you for what you've written. I'm so happy I found your words and I plan to read them every night until every word sinks in and I can appreciate this wisdom you have bestowed on all of us who are still in pain and struggling to set ourselves free again.
Hang on tight to who you are now, sweetie. My words, hopefully, can be that life-line that you are hanging on to when those moments of dispair and confusion seep in. Remember that they are ONLY moments, that will fleetingly pass when you refuse to dwell on them. I am now going into my 5th month of freedom, and infrequently visit these boards now, BUT there was a time when they were MY life-line, and I will be forever grateful for the insights, honesty and strength I received while I was here.
I wish you peace and strength in your journey,
True
For every good day I have two bad and I suppose it is partly because I find it difficult to just let go. I tell myself I need to and that time will heal these wounds but I suppose I will always wonder if the MM ever felt a small part of the pain he has caused me or cared that it happened. I was naive and foolish but I did learn from this mistake and it will never happen again. This board is a wonderful resource and I have read many of the posts and they give me hope.
I know this will be a long journey for me but I've promised myself that I will be successful. I'm not giving up. Thank you for your support.
g
Another tough week down on the farm, eh? As smart as pigs are, I am always miffed at their attraction for mud and how rolling around in it temporarily satisfies their *animalistic* urges ;) What's unfortunate, is how they relish in tracking the dirt back to their very own pens, without guilt or reservation.
Maybe it's time to mosey on out to the pasture with the bullwhip? IMO, pigs are too boring, and after a while become VERY predictable. Know what I mean?
Id
Not to mention the day will come when these ladies can say "When Pigs Fly" if confronted by XMM/XOM for a little "roll-in-the-hay" ;) Oh...Oh, I've got another one: We no longer have to say "Hey, your barn door is open." Hahahaha....I'm on a MUD roll...OK, I'll get out of here now, but got to say just one more thing, "This little piggy went wee wee wee all the way home (to HIS WIFE!)"
~True~
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