Limbo Land is a lonely place...
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| Sat, 07-03-2004 - 10:44am |
For those of you stalled in Limbo Land, that place that keeps you imprisioned and confused, that vast oasis filled with answerless questions, 24/7 emotional pain, and delusionary perceptions of what is real in your life, realise that you cannot escape this place until your mind and heart break away in unison.
Your mind is saying "I need to end this" and your heart is saying, "I still love him." As yet, you have not taken control of your life. You are allowing a "part-time" person to have "full-time" control of your emotions, movements, decisions and commitments. Is this how you want to live? Do you want to remain as a "second choice" in your lovers life? Most men having an affair do not comprehend how their actions are affecting you. No amount of pain or suffering on your part will cause "HIM" to take action to change.
How many of these emotions can you relate to from having this affair (or maybe starting one): Lonliness, loss of self esteem, anger, jealousy, depression, anxiety, betray, suicidal thoughts, bouts of crying, loss of control, physical symptoms like weight loss or eating disorders, drinking more, complusive behaviors like shopping more, lying more...I could go on and on, but these are all characteristic of what an affair does to us. How many of these can you fess up to? Personally, I can claim at least 4, not to mention isolation from friends and family because of the secretivenes. SUCH pain, and now you are putting even MORE upon yourself for NOT being able to walk away from it. Why? Are you a masochist? Do you enjoy hurting yourself? Are you a saddest? Do you enjoy possibly ripping your family apart or his?
Fact: Most women who involve themselves with a marriad man enter into the affair believeing that they will maintain control, that they just want to see "What it is like" OR that they they will be able to maintain emotional distance. FALSE! Once you sleep with them, you are HOOKED! You have stepped over that emotional boundary that you thought you could protect yourself with...How does this happen? Because women equate love-making with "LOVE" while men equate love-making with "SEX". This is why it is so much easier for the man to walk away when the going gets tough; they have little emotional baggage folowing them out the door.
Fact: (I read this) Most married men having affairs are NOT having an affair because of "YOU". They are having it for themselves - to fill a void or psychological need that they are trying to compensate for. YOU are the vehicle for their escape from "Boredom Land" into "Fantasy Land" where we woman eventually become emotionally stuck. AND since the dynamics of an affair are rooted in lies and dishonesty (if you think for one minute his marriage is ALL that bad, you are truely mistaken), eventually this fantasy will drive your confused and hurting heart into the oasis of "Limbo Land" where you will remain until the "Ah Ha" light goes on within you.
Change is difficult. Change is painful. Change is necessary when you realise that you are stuck knee-deep in that "I don't think I'm going to make it without him" quick-sand. Is this how you want to go out? Devoured by his lies, his sexual needs, his game playing, his contol over your life, his deep-rooted problems? All of HIS weaknesses and inadequacies that he has now managed to lure you into?
You are given free-will. You are in contol of the outcome. You, and only you, is the one responsible for your happiness and peace of mind. Take back your life. Start today. Do something wonderful for yourself this holiday weekend because I can bet, "HE" is not sharing it with you....
True
Edited 7/3/2004 12:58 pm ET ET by b_true_2_yourself

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free,
thanks for re-posting this, this is so true , i feel like im the woman in my relationship with OW, hehehehehhe
max
it realy hit it in the head
That was definately worth a read. I know as everyone reads it, we're all shaking our heads in agreement.
The thing that's a bit different in my case, was that we had fallen for each other long before we had sex. The sex was just a nice addition, definately not the driving force, not even for him. So, I did not fall in love with him because we made love. We were in emotionally over our heads for a year before we slept together. Also, there were never dreams of marrying each other. We didn't bash our spouses and make them out to be monsters, we never said that our marriages were horrible. Nothing like that.
Started out as simple as a physical attraction, followed by an emotional connection, then a long time later, sex. But the key to our relationship, I believe, was filling in empty time for each other, because three quarters of our relationship was carried out online. Just asking each other lots of questions, getting to know each other..it was fun. But like the original post in this thread said:
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I believed I could do that too. I really did "want to see what it's like"..where it MIGHT go..but I really didn't WANT it to go anywhere. It was just someone fun to talk to, and admittingly, the compliments felt good too.
Almost impossible to maintain emotional distance when you are physically attracted to a man you are talking to for hours every night of the week for a year. So, I jumped aboard a 3 year rollercoaster ride. I'm just glad the adrenaline finally wore off.
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