list of eeeeww's

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2009
list of eeeeww's
6
Thu, 01-14-2010 - 9:03am

Now that I have been out of this for over a month now, I am looking back at the A and no longer thinking of “happy moments,” now I am looking at things that totally disgust me.

Like…
He tried to have a three-some with me and a buddy of his (who apparently also cheats on his wife, who was pregnant at the time) Eeeeww!

He talked non-stop about how awesome he is, his loads of money, his house, and his power job. Eeeww!

He talked to his wife and his two young kids on the phone while I lay in bed next to him…and he winked at me!! Eeeww!!

While we were together many times, we never held hands or even hugged and when he tried to hold or touch me afterwards, I always rolled away. Eewww about me!

This one if rated R so discontinue reading now if it may offend you. The first time we were together, his 6’5 frame was a lot for my 5’1 frame and I let out a tiny scream before biting his shoulder to stifle it. When finished, he asked if I was okay, I said it hurt and he said “well, at least I stretched you out for later.” EEEEEWWWWW!!!!!

I am so angry and disgusted by so much that happened.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Thu, 01-14-2010 - 9:44am

What a disgusting pig!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2009
Thu, 01-14-2010 - 1:04pm

You're right. Every single one of those things I wrote make me feel cheap and trashy...but funny how I didn't feel that way when it was actually happening. The A fog is REALLY thick!!

good to hear you're about a month out also, congrats! sometimes these stages of grief feel more like a cycle of grief. Most days I feel good and then all of a sudden, I'll have an intense urge to contact him. But I know I'm not missing him (obviously, too many eeeww's), I'm just having to face my life as it is because the A is no longer there to give me highs and to distract me from life.

thanks for your response. most days I feel strong but it's nice to hear it too!!

ps. you should change your name from couldn'tsayno to saidhellno :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Thu, 01-14-2010 - 3:12pm

Now that suggestion made me laugh out loud!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Thu, 01-14-2010 - 6:44pm

Hey, live~


OK...yeah....ewww is right.


*Confession* Is it wrong for me to WANT to have ewww moments about my xap? I'm sorta jealous of you! :o) You seem to be in a place where you're just grossed out and just soooo over him being so full of himself and cocky. Barf. :o) It seems like it is helping you heal...? My xap wasn't a pig or cocky or disrespectful....*sigh*


I'm just having to face my life as it is because the A is no longer there to give me highs and to distract me from life.


I love

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2009
Fri, 01-15-2010 - 3:36pm

Free,

I have to admit it took me some time to feel disgusted by xMM...which is funny because all those eew moments are SO EEWW that I can't even believe it took me that long to get to that point. And I think actually writing it down did help me feel even more disgusted. I can't wait to read yours...I know you got some! So the next stage is indifference, right? Come on indifference!!

and as for the today, tomorrow, this second, next second...yup, totally hear ya!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Sat, 01-16-2010 - 7:14am

"I'm just having to face my life as it is because the A is no longer there to give me highs and to distract me from life"


Wow, you guys are all so right!!! I cant believe how much time I wasted not being around to enjoy and take in the moments around my kids because I was on a high or a low from the A. What an addictive roller coaster.


Im new and only NC for about 2 days but yesterday was the 1st day in a long time where I felt as if I could hold my head up a little higher. It cetainly is a day to day struggle and you have all helped me be strong.


I think about how he wanted me to be with another woman, how he drank a lot, how he talked so bad about his wife and how we had sex in his car. EEEWWWWW and WTH was I thinking???? I am not a gullable woman but WOW did I ever turn into one.