Litany?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Litany?
24
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 8:48am

I've thought and debated about posting about this all night - I understand making a list of why we don't want to be with xAP anymore - but I am surprised at the anger shown through insults - on looks, on habits - on stuff we didn't mind for a second while in the midst of A.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2010
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 3:07pm

I am 13 weeks out of my A; I work with XAP and let me just say, if I didn’t go through an anger phase towards him I don’t think I ever would have made it through, that might sound silly but man, I had so much anger but more for myself for allowing it all to go on as long as it did (2 years on and off).



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 3:31pm

Iddy,

Don't you go anywhere unless you MUST. Or you are on a real vacation. I mean sun, sand and beaches and even then we will need you to check in at least once daily....we will even provide you with a phone so that while you are hang gliding you can still make sure we are on our best behavior...or if you can chime in when a new newbie is about to break contact...could be a tweener too, ya never know around here as of late.

TO All,

It is really hard to see the vets being questioned or sniped at by newbies or tweeners. although it seems to be newbies. I really am starting to get a little upset about it. RESPECT those who have come before you and have confidence in what they do and why they do it. THEY KNOW their stuff. They are like Generals in an army and you are simply Private's. Please show them the respect they deserve.

TU,

Me and you see things too much alike in more ways than one can imagine. This post was just what I needed when I needed it. Its a laugh and we have had a lot of heartache around here. People on this board need to stop taking things so damn personally...
Again, we will put up with so much crap from exAP's but we do a little bashing here or have a little comic relief and goodness, people want to stand so morally tall all of a sudden. Yet, when we were in the A all those moral did not seem to matter...sex whenever or wherever...maybe you were late to your daughter's game because of it...Hmmm....

I am off tangent now but....the point is this post makes us see things....CLEARLY see things that should have been signs to run the other way. But because we thought we had our soulmates... blah, blah, blah, we looked the other way. We were high on ego strokes, and those damn glasses were so fogged the hell up....we did not see things that we would probably never deal with or be attracted to otherwise...

and yep some of it is mean, mean as hell, but some exAP's egos are so out of control and they shouldn't be, so this was our way of saying YOU AINT ALL THAT and a bag of chips (Iddy's line). We did it here tho and it helped many and exAp's probably never seen it and it was healthy and healing for sum...not all. And it is funny as all hell whether you like it or not. We do not always have to cry together we can laugh too-and not at exAP's expense.

And its popular because it helped many not because we go with flow around here. We do not all jump on the bandwagon. We are a very bright group of individuals and we see things more differently than one might think. Esp the vets and tweeners. However, we do agree on the rules of the board and NC and we will not compromise that for a few laughs or kicks at all....

I left for a while and I am back posting and I am not leaving but I really do not want to see anyone questioning a vet, challenging a vet or the like....TRUST THEM. Respect them and they're judgement and their reasoning. When you been here long enough.....the thought should never cross your mind again. Again, when you been here long enough!

Lastly.
We are lucky....so so so lucky to have em. Only 2 Vets post regularly. Iddy and E-1. E-1 was gone for a minute and you all better not make her go or I am coming for ya-SERIOUSLY! Clarity was here when I first got here and then she was gone and she has returned and I swear you all need some CLARITY in your lives so you will only be hurting yourself if you do not absorb every word she says. She is not going to wrap it up pretty for you. And why should she? She earned her place and respect on this board. You need to be happy they take the time and post and respond to you. In the dark moments, these are the ladies who will have your back but tell you when you are dead A$$ wrong too. They keeps it real. No sugarcoatin....we are raw and you best be ready...I need these ladies and you all keep challenging them is gonna start to have us tweeners acting a fool on ya (with hugs)

They are other vets who read and occasionally post Energy and Stargirl....and a few others, look em up and read about em so when they do chime in, you read something they wrote you do so like you would be listening to your mentor....

Maybe I should have started my own thread about the vets being challenged?? WTH is up with this board as of late?

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 3:39pm

Lilly,



It made me giggle a little as I read your post - tho the dynamics of our situations were different - I can quote things from your post that I had exactly the same...



Ever hear that anger turned inward = depression??



I've been bashing myself for far too long and I've been sitting on a fence not wanting to let go of the "love" I believed came to me and then I lost due to MY not being good enough.



But if I keep holding onto that belief myself I'll drown in misery forever.



I'll do what's necessary to heal. I do believe it's a stage of grief I've been putting off for waaaay to long.



You are right that empowerment through anger is better than stagnation in sadness - I'll admit that freely.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 3:46pm

Omg Luvin. That was simply perfect. I am sure people will have the "we always have the right to questions - isn't this a democracy" kinda defensive reaction. But you know what, it needed to be said. I need the tweeners and the vets, and some of the bright and shiny newbies. I still require their active engagement. Months out, many here are still working to clear that fog permaenetly away, myself included. I am always humbled when Iddy reminds us that she was 9 months out of her affair, only to get sucked back in again. I do not feel out of the woods, I can only see the path out. I still need encouragement and focus.

Mucho love,

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 3:54pm

Luvin,



I'm responding and then I'm putting the computer away for the day - I'm surprised at your reaction within this post, my

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 3:58pm

((Luvin))



<>



Okay, are you inside of my head? I've been down in the mouth all day with what's been going on here, and then whala! You write a post about it. Probably best it's buried in this thread or we'll have another thread for newbies/and some not so new,

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 4:02pm
edited because I'm too hungry to think straight!
xo




Edited 9/9/2010 4:14 pm ET by deeulta
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2010
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 4:45pm

Iddy, you better not go anywhere - PLEASE!!!



You, Clarity, Dee and others have helped me so much.....and am so thankful for you all and don't know where I'd be without you and your "tough-love".



God bless you guys and for all you do on this board.



HUGS

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 5:13pm

Lolly,



I know you said you are putting your computer away, but if you happen to peak in out of curiosity, I just caught your siggy and remembered I had mentioned Weebles in a response to you.

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: mynameislolly
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 5:16pm

<>

   ~Iddy~