A Little Encouragement
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| Tue, 09-28-2010 - 4:19pm |
I just wanted to stop in and thank the ladies of EAS that serve to encourage those trying to escape the FOG! I had a deeply emotional A back in 2007-2008. I was happily married when I met exAP (we will call him "Michael"), but the man BLEW ME AWAY. He had all of the traits that my DH didn't. I thought he was my "soul mate" and my "best friend". In reality, he was just a man who wanted someone to stroke his ego. Michael was married...but not happily. He poured on the charm and I drank it up. I still don't know what in the world I was thinking!
Then, one day, through my guilt...I found EAS. I read and posted very often. The ladies on here pushed and pushed for NC. But, I thought I was different...Michael and I could be "just friends". We went through many ups and downs. I was a mess. I hated myself, but wouldn't listen to reason.
And, finally, it clicked. Michael sent me an email wanting to chat. He wanted to talk because he could "feel me pulling away." Reading that just turned my stomach. So, I deleted the message without responding. I then deleted ALL of his messages. I deleted him from my phone. I blocked him from my email. I did everything I could do to delete him from my life.
I continued coming here for a little while after "my purge". That's what I call it :). But, it ultimately felt like my coming here was serving to keep Michael in my life. So, I went NC with EAS too. I deleted my account and all of my old posts. I'm sad and ashamed to say that I even went NC with some friends from EAS who had been a GREAT support to me through the end of my A. I feel HORRIBLE about that part. I hope that they are somewhere in their post-A life happy...and that they would understand what I had to do for me at the time.
It's clear that Michael is not completely "deleted" from my life...or I wouldn't have felt led to pop in here today to check things out and post. But mostly, I just think of him now when something reminds me of him (a song or a story). Instead of longing for him, though, I think of him as a life lesson.
I haven't spoken to exAP since his last email to me during the winter of 2008. He tried to call a few times, but thankfully he got the hint and left me alone. Since that time, I recommitted myself to my marriage and my wonderful DH. I'm thankful he never learned of my A. It was a blessing that he didn't, but I will carry that guilt with me for the rest of my life. I try to see the good side, though...that I learned from it and learned to truly appreciate what I could have lost. We had our most perfect little boy over a year ago. Our life is wonderful...I'm very happy!
So...to you new folks on EAS. LISTEN to the advice you get! NC is truly the ONLY way to go! If you are here, you have made giant leap in freeing yourself from the fog! And, to you ladies that have been on here for a while and are offering the advice. THANK YOU from someone you truly saved! I will never be able to put into words the gratitude that I have for the ladies who offered me support and encouragement here. I was a stranger, but you all dug in and saved me anyway.
I was finallyhere2007. Thank you!
NC RULES!!! teehee:)

Wow. This is so great to read. Thank you so much for taking the time to come back for a visit and share your wonderful story. Congratulations on your son!
Many continued blessings, peace and love,
Dee
((IOOTF))
Thank you for posting in and may I add, it's a very timely one. The board is going to be down for 5 days starting 10/1 and will be read only. Your thread is one that everybody here needs to "read." ;-)
It's good to know that this board benefited you, but always remember that YOU are the one who did the work...to make it work.
Congrats on becoming a mom. There is no greater gift.
((Hugs))
~Iddy~
thank you for your story of inspiration and hope.
much love for your continued journey ... no better time to be present than with a new baby.
(-:
((hugs))
TU.