little epiphanies on the road to indifference
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little epiphanies on the road to indifference
| Thu, 11-04-2010 - 10:25pm |
i am nearly nine months out of my A. the fog is gone. i know without a doubt, without any reservations, without even a twinge of longing that xap was BAD for me, a toxin that needed to be purged from my system, a cancer that needed to be cut from my life.

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chechi,
your words capture my thoughts...
feeling like i have a billion thoughts swirling around my brain and not being able to pick one out and articulate it is common for me too when i am reading at EAS.
Thank you for your vote of confidence, bandk, and for the reminder that it STILL takes time.
oh my dear alice,
if there were ever one that i wanted to hug, squeeze and b!tch-slap all at the same time, it is you. i can never just write a one or two-line quip in response to you---you are just far too complex. you are special. first, i gotta tell you how proud i am of you that you are in therapy and that you are continuing to go. and then i have to say that the way you come here for guidance and support impresses me.
Luvin,
You've nailed it.
Dear Iddy,
A post of MINE in the Wisdoms & Insights thread?
Dee,
The wonder of this whole EAS experience for me is that it is connection in its truest, most perfect form.
Lillie,
I don't know where I've been that I missed this entire thread but I am so glad I read through it now. Thank you for sharing such deep interspective and insight. I can't speak for everyone, but I know without a doubt that it helps me to know that our journey doesn't end at Tweenerville, Super Tweenerville or even Vetville. It is a constant journey and we all move at our own pace with the life skills we already have in place and the ones we've picked up here at EAS.
This is a very good reminder that we need to constantly strive to keep ourselves honest and to keep asking questions of ourselves and to keep
GUILTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Wow.
I was recently reflecting on what part of my door was still open and why. My personal bottom line was - that what I have left is anger. Of course, anger is a secondary emotion; so Ive dug and dug deeper - and YOU just hit the nail on MY head with this post.
What I was keeping alive - hidden beneath my anger is THAT same thing you so eloquently voiced. That I "hope" he misses the crap out of me. Ehhhh I said it out loud. ech. EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO. My ego was bruised in my a. Even in moving on....any thought I allowed to surface about him turned into ANGER. Even though I was asking the questions....Why? Over what? etc.
Newlife,
Wow. Thank you for your powerful thoughts.
You have an amazing amount of insight and psychological savvy for one so freshly out of an A.
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