little epiphanies on the road to indifference
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little epiphanies on the road to indifference
| Thu, 11-04-2010 - 10:25pm |
i am nearly nine months out of my A. the fog is gone. i know without a doubt, without any reservations, without even a twinge of longing that xap was BAD for me, a toxin that needed to be purged from my system, a cancer that needed to be cut from my life.

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liilie this is the real heart of it:
you said:
"i didn't think my A affected "anyone but us" either.
<>
"By George, I think she's got it!" It takes a lot of time and hard work to push our egos aside before we can uncover the truth about just how selfish and needy we were. Affairs are NOT about love, but our own hearts can deceive us.
((Hugs))
Lil,
Ofta is the Norwegian oohf. Like 'oy'. a huff of disgust. Dee
This is a wonderful post and all the responses are incredible. I have been reading it over quite a few times because each time I have another realization of where I am at. When you talked of being toxic to each other I had a much better understanding of how I was toxic as well. I was toxic in my marriage as well, I feel like crying because of all those years I blamed my ex for all the wrong in our marriage. Thank you Lillie for this post, avoidence is an issue I must work harder at:)
I have read this entire post now 4 times in the past few days and it is one of the most powerful posts I have read in a very long time.
jen,
this thread has been illuminating to me, too.
newseason,
hurray for you! introspection is WHERE IT'S AT girlfriend. it's what's in this season--everybody's wearing it! :smileyhappy:
i feel intimidated sometimes, too, by the sage writers in this community. so many times i have thought of responding to a post, but then someone else has done it already, so powerfully and masterfully, so i don't respond at all.
Lil-
I thought about this thread a lot yesterday.
Thank you for your kind words :) This thread has been truly therapeutic. I have spent far to many years in the mode of thinking I did no wrong that I was always the victim. It is much clearer to me how wrong I was, it may hurt but its a good hurt because I can now start aknowledging my actions and take the steps to be accountable for my part in evey situation that happens in my life. Thank you again lillie your post is amazingly beautiful and inspiring :)
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