little epiphanies on the road to indifference

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
little epiphanies on the road to indifference
42
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 10:25pm

i am nearly nine months out of my A. the fog is gone. i know without a doubt, without any reservations, without even a twinge of longing that xap was BAD for me, a toxin that needed to be purged from my system, a cancer that needed to be cut from my life.

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Thu, 11-11-2010 - 12:10am
dammit! i thought you were going to say that!!!! :)
Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Thu, 11-11-2010 - 12:35am

liilie this is the real heart of it:

you said:

"i didn't think my A affected "anyone but us" either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Thu, 11-11-2010 - 7:17am

<>

"By George, I think she's got it!" It takes a lot of time and hard work to push our egos aside before we can uncover the truth about just how selfish and needy we were. Affairs are NOT about love, but our own hearts can deceive us.

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Thu, 11-11-2010 - 9:33am

Lil,

Ofta is the Norwegian oohf. Like 'oy'. a huff of disgust. Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Thu, 11-11-2010 - 10:52am
Hi lillie,

This is a wonderful post and all the responses are incredible. I have been reading it over quite a few times because each time I have another realization of where I am at. When you talked of being toxic to each other I had a much better understanding of how I was toxic as well. I was toxic in my marriage as well, I feel like crying because of all those years I blamed my ex for all the wrong in our marriage. Thank you Lillie for this post, avoidence is an issue I must work harder at:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Fri, 11-12-2010 - 11:55am

I have read this entire post now 4 times in the past few days and it is one of the most powerful posts I have read in a very long time.

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Sat, 11-13-2010 - 8:24am

jen,

this thread has been illuminating to me, too.

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Sat, 11-13-2010 - 9:12am

newseason,

hurray for you! introspection is WHERE IT'S AT girlfriend. it's what's in this season--everybody's wearing it! :smileyhappy:

i feel intimidated sometimes, too, by the sage writers in this community. so many times i have thought of responding to a post, but then someone else has done it already, so powerfully and masterfully, so i don't respond at all.

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Sat, 11-13-2010 - 10:47am

Lil-

I thought about this thread a lot yesterday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Sun, 11-14-2010 - 1:21am
Hi Lillie,

Thank you for your kind words :) This thread has been truly therapeutic. I have spent far to many years in the mode of thinking I did no wrong that I was always the victim. It is much clearer to me how wrong I was, it may hurt but its a good hurt because I can now start aknowledging my actions and take the steps to be accountable for my part in evey situation that happens in my life. Thank you again lillie your post is amazingly beautiful and inspiring :)