lonely

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
lonely
8
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 9:32pm

Hello lovelies.

I'm traveling on business this week, first time in a huge party city but so utterly alone. Quite honestly, I'm feeling pretty lonely. I wish all of you enders could come here and keep me company! Michelle was right when she said look out for that moment when it hits and the missing/blue feelings overwhelm. Yep They have arrived! I am missing so many people...xAP, exH, my little one, some friends...but weirdly, I mostly miss exH today along with our little girl. I go through periods of missing him and sometimes so tempted to text him and ask "don't you ever miss me? I miss you sometimes so much it hurts" but then I remember how cold as ice he is and how he doesn't love me and how I would just be crushed by his response or no response. I gave him more than one opportunity to get back together before we officially divorced and he slammed the door in my face. He never said anything like "I will always love you but" ----after 12 years together, I got nothing of the sort from him. NOTHING

Then there's xAP ...I just wonder how he is. NO I won't call. I won't text. I will do none of those things but today, I do kinda miss him.

In general, I feel really alone sometimes --- so much so that it can be so overwhelming. I think of people who have been in my life and how they all seem to leave. One after another. It's a revolving door actually - in, out, in out. It doesn't help that some of the women I work with who are with me this week while I am far away from home are clicky Bs! What the h? I don't understand why they have to act like they are in FN high school with their ignoring and disclusion.

sigh:smileysad:

Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 9:39pm

MAJOR HUGSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! From all the way on the other side of the world, Miss Sunshine! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx and some of those as well.

Listen, honey, those feelings may be the most hideous things on the planet, but they are actually part of all of us. They just need hugs too! I firmly believe those feelings are just Little Miss Sunshine trying to be heard. What's she saying to you today? Give her some love and promise her you're not going anywhere :-)

You are a fabulous, unique, awesome, strong, amazing individual and you have a right to shine just like every single one of us. Just go with the energy for today...and I absolutely promise you, this too shall pass...

Lots of warm loving thoughts from New Zealand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 9:45pm

aww Sunshine,

sorry you are sad and lonely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 10:14pm
Oh Sunshine I'm sorry you're feeling lonely and I completely understand. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are. Embrace the sadness as it is part of the journey of healing. Move through it tonight and know that brighter days are on your horizon. We are here for you and I will be sending peaceful and calming thoughts your way. Hugs to you friend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2010
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 10:41pm

Sunshine, I am here...way up north where there is a ton of friggin snow :smileyindifferent:. I give to you cyber ((hugs))!

I just ended again

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 10:59pm

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW (((((((((((((((((((SUNSHINE)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Nobody Puts Sunshine in the Corner~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

those clicky B's!!!!!!

You outta play a prank on them in the hotel! Pull the Fire Alarm!!!!!!!!

:)

Yah, You said it.....IT SUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKS and one little feeling of aloneness leads to a whole avalanche of memories of people who've left - and you can feel sorry for yourself in NO TIME! :(

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Wed, 01-12-2011 - 6:51am

(((Sunshine)))

I can hear you working through these emotions. Feeling lonely sometimes is just part of human nature. We can't always be swinging naked from a chandelier in party cities!!

You're gonig through some difficult times. You've got a lot going on personally. It's natural to let your mind wander to any type of comforting thought--whether it's xAP or xH or whatever. Just sit with you emotions and know that they will pass. I'm sure today will be a much better day for you.

I'll be thinking of you, sending you happy vibes.

Love,

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Wed, 01-12-2011 - 9:43am

(((Sunshine)))

Of all the emotions we enders experience, I think loneliness is the worst.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Wed, 01-12-2011 - 10:02am
Dear Sunshine,

((hugs))

I know Lonely. Oh, do I. I know what that first trip away felt like when both the relationship with my xAP and my H were over. It was a trip FULL of pain ... the pain of regret, of traveling alone for the first time (overseas and for 2.5 weeks), the pain of ALL the hurt I had caused. I sobbed hours every night - I am sure the other people in the Hostel were wondering what was up with "her". I would Skype home WAY more than I had ever done, as I was no stranger to travel. I was just SO lonely. That trip was a HUGE marker in my life. I now look back and remember such a sense of strength. I did it and I did it with MY own internal resources. I didn't rely on any person to get me from point A to B, I didn't have to ensure I could get my texts overseas, or miss out on see the wonders of the world because I was so stressed about what xAP might be doing in my absence, I had gone away while in the thick of it all, to the most amazing place on the planet ... and I farted the time away, I cried getting the emails that were NOT enough (none of it is ever enough to feed the addiction), and I missed it all. My H was right there with me and I couldn't engage at all. It would be the last trip H and I would ever take together ... and to this day, that haunts me.

All this to say, there ARE worse feelings than being alone. Rejections, humiliation, anxiety, disappointment, unworthy, disrespected ...

Please let us know how you are feeling. And just imagine how much you will appreciate those little hugs you're going to get! They NEVER feel so good after we are clear of the fog.


TU.