Lonely

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Lonely
1
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 11:17am
I'm having a particularly lonely day today. My H & I started fighting again, not about MM for a change, but about me smoking, which he absolutely hates. I recognize that smoking is a disgusting & unhealthy habit, but unfortunately I have not found another release for my stress. I used to exercise to reduce stress, but due to my cast I can't. I had been doing so well with curbing my smoking (just 1 cig a week when I went to therapy - going to therapy to deal w/having my A), but since I saw MM on Monday (first time in 2 months), I've been very stressed & have started smoking a few each day. Which in turn has made H very distant & cold to me, he's made it very clear that he's disappointed in me. Meanwhile, MM has contacted me nonstop via email since Monday, some friendly stuff, some telling me he wants our relationship back stuff. B/c H is not here for me while MM is, I've felt more compelled to reply to his emails than I have in the past (haven't told MM how lonely I'm feeling).

So today, I'm stuck at home, lonely, receiving emails from MM & really starting to miss him. I've actually found myself trying to rationalize seeing him again. It's so hard to have MM still want to be together. If he just didn't, then I could grieve and move on. I haven't reached the stage where I feel strong enough to tell him to never contact me again, but I have reached the stage where I recognize that having an A is wrong & not something I want to put myself & my marriage thru again. Please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: blueeyedblondegirl
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 12:19pm
HI Blue eyes

Hon you need to block XMMs e-mail access to you NOW.

XMM is in it for himself not you, if he really cared about you he would leave you alone.

Affairs are about me and what I want or believe I need they have almost nothing to do with the AP, you are smart enough to see what you need and that is a closer more satisifying relationship with YOUR HUSBAND.

Do what ever you have to to MAKE your husband understand what you need from him and that it is a NEED not just a want, your going to have to make it VERY CLEAR to him that now is not the time for him to be trying to help you stop smoking as good as his intentions are.

Don't accept any lies from yourself or XMM as a reason to sink back down into the MUCK again believe me it is NO WORTH IT.

BE STRONG

Free