Long time lurker coming out...
Find a Conversation
Long time lurker coming out...
| Tue, 02-15-2011 - 11:26am |
Hi everyone I'd first of all like to thank you for all your words even though I've never posted on here I've been lurking a while now and it helped me so much through many dark days, I was in A for 6/7 months most of it was EA but in the last while it turned PA, It was very complicated (Isn't it always?) we are both M with Children live a

((((Lady)))
Big hugs for you today.
HI and Welcome.
I'm sorry you are hurting.
Hi Lady,
Welcome to the board!
Lady,
Welcome to our community and I am glad you came out from lurking. Getting the special attention and support you need will help you greatly, as you embark upon this endings journey.
It's understandable to be angry at your XAP, but perhaps he said hello to you for the same reason you responded back. There was another coworker in the mix. He may not have wanted to be polite anymore than you did, KWIM? Right now you are both experiencing raw emotions, but he is not going to let you see his other than probably being nasty at times. He knows what he did was wrong, and making you feel bad about it is just misplaced anger. He is really angry at himself and you will learn that your anger stems from your own self inflicted injuries. You will also learn that any hostility or ambivalence between the two of you comes from a place or embarrassment and hurt. It will pass with time, but for now let any anger fuel you to wanting to keep your distance from him. This will allow you to nurse your bruises as you regain your strength.
<>
Try not to hold onto this anger for too long. Whatever he did, remember you are both M, and neither one of you should have crossed those forbidden lines. You can't uncross them, but you can start focusing on why you gave yourself permission to go there in the first place. A lonely M or lack of attention at home are excuses that will not fly here. The truth? Something unhealthy in you was attracted to something unhealthy in him. (vice versa applies). You both were escaping from dealing with RL issues and this is what you need to address, either through therapy or diligent reading, writing, and posting on this board. Be sure to read the "Wisdom and Insights" threads, part 1 and 2, in the Healing Library. There is so much pain, truth, admissions, clarity, and wisdom from others who have come before you. You will see yourself in some of them, and probably find many answers your seek by reading them.
I know you are hurting right now, but it will get better with time, I promise. Be sure to come here and post, vent, and reach out whenever you feel the need to. You are no longer alone in your suffering and now have a safe haven to express
Welcome, Lady!
Hi Lady,
I am glad that you have ended your A.