Long time lurker coming out...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2011
Long time lurker coming out...
8
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 11:26am

Hi everyone I'd first of all like to thank you for all your words even though I've never posted on here I've been lurking a while now and it helped me so much through many dark days, I was in A for 6/7 months most of it was EA but in the last while it turned PA, It was very complicated (Isn't it always?) we are both M with Children live a

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2010
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 11:51am

((((Lady)))

Big hugs for you today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 12:05pm

HI and Welcome.

I'm sorry you are hurting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2011
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 12:11pm
Thank you so much for the warm welcome, I really hope you're right xx
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2011
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 12:20pm
Thank you so much for replying, and you are so right he is doing me a favour by being cold and distant that's why I'm so annoyed that he is saying hello when he didn't have to speak at all, it's like he see's that I'm not speaking to him then he goes out of his way to get me to say hi to him! Grrrrr We don't have to have any contact at work at all because we work in different departements so he has no need to ever speak again. I honestly can't say why I did what I did, I wasn't ever even tempted in 20 yrs of marriage, all i can think of is that we were unfinished business, when we were teens we were very good friends and were very attracted to each other but we didn't think the other felt the same way then I moved away from there and moved back 6 years ago and got a job in his building 3 years ago so we were back in each others lives but I know this will NEVER EVER happen to me again EVER it was only because it was him and we had the history maybe he made me feel young again? who knows I know I'm the one who did wrong to MY family and to myself and I'm the only one who can sort it out and I will but at the minute I'm just broken as a person I need to get over this and stop feeling so ashamed, thanks for listening it means the world to me as I have no one in RL to talk to about it. xxxxxxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 12:26pm

Hi Lady,

Welcome to the board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 12:38pm

Lady,

Welcome to our community and I am glad you came out from lurking. Getting the special attention and support you need will help you greatly, as you embark upon this endings journey.

It's understandable to be angry at your XAP, but perhaps he said hello to you for the same reason you responded back. There was another coworker in the mix. He may not have wanted to be polite anymore than you did, KWIM? Right now you are both experiencing raw emotions, but he is not going to let you see his other than probably being nasty at times. He knows what he did was wrong, and making you feel bad about it is just misplaced anger. He is really angry at himself and you will learn that your anger stems from your own self inflicted injuries. You will also learn that any hostility or ambivalence between the two of you comes from a place or embarrassment and hurt. It will pass with time, but for now let any anger fuel you to wanting to keep your distance from him. This will allow you to nurse your bruises as you regain your strength.

<>

Try not to hold onto this anger for too long. Whatever he did, remember you are both M, and neither one of you should have crossed those forbidden lines. You can't uncross them, but you can start focusing on why you gave yourself permission to go there in the first place. A lonely M or lack of attention at home are excuses that will not fly here. The truth? Something unhealthy in you was attracted to something unhealthy in him. (vice versa applies). You both were escaping from dealing with RL issues and this is what you need to address, either through therapy or diligent reading, writing, and posting on this board. Be sure to read the "Wisdom and Insights" threads, part 1 and 2, in the Healing Library. There is so much pain, truth, admissions, clarity, and wisdom from others who have come before you. You will see yourself in some of them, and probably find many answers your seek by reading them.

I know you are hurting right now, but it will get better with time, I promise. Be sure to come here and post, vent, and reach out whenever you feel the need to. You are no longer alone in your suffering and now have a safe haven to express

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 12:39pm

Welcome, Lady!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 10:13pm

Hi Lady,

I am glad that you have ended your A.