The longest day

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2012
The longest day
1
Mon, 10-22-2012 - 4:54pm

I have been on here before because I keep trying to end it. After ending it last time we fell  back in one more time. For a recap my APs W got pregnant a few months into A. I think personally they were trying to save their marriage. We should have ended it then but it was already too late. It's been an emotional struggle for both of us ever since. Well today is the day. His W is in labor. We said goodbye again because I know I can't live with being that woman. I am a combination of devastated mixed with worried about the baby. I care very much about him and have come to see how much this baby means to him. I'll probaby hear about the baby through Facebook or a batch work email and that kills me. I keep checking my email knowing nothing will be there. I wish I could hate this man. I wish he was cruel or unkind but the truth is I fear him regaining love for his W because of the baby. I also know this fantasy must end. We both have families now and our spouses and children don't deserve this. I knew this day was coming but man it hurts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 10-22-2012 - 5:43pm

Welcome back, Cthelight

Hopefully, this time you will stay close to the Board so you can be actually IN the light for good. Going back and forth is sheer torture. You just got to do it to get through it.  It's painful, we know, but you have to sit in it for a while...there is no way around it.

You both have families and you both need to focus on them from here on in.  I promise you that once you start putting your focus on where it belongs...on you...things will start to get better.  Sometimes just getting back to living an honest life with integrity can be the impetus to keep pushing through the discomfort.  

I know we must have suggested to you before to start blocking all avenues of contact...and FB is one of them.  We only torture ourselves and impede our progress forward when we view these kinds of sites.  As far as batch work email, hopefully, you'll be able to tell from the subject line what kind of message is coming through...so you can just delete it.

You've said your goodbye...now this time, you've got to stick by your word.  Like I said, stay close to the Board and keep posting in for support.  You have done the right thing...use that as your Mantra.

((hugs))

Clarity