Looking Back

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Looking Back
6
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 5:32pm

Hi ladies, I have made it to day 77 NC! I am not going to lie and say today has been easy, but it is definitely easier. I have learned so much along this journey from all of you. Jane, your post about "moments I miss most"...WOW is all I can say, because it is BANG ON! I see so many parts of myself in all of you women... so many of you that I cannot begin to name them all. Iddy, E1, GMLB, Dee, LIGA, TU, Jane... so many more. You have opened my eyes and my mind and my heart. You have made me see I am not abnormal, I am not mean spirited, I am not trash, I am not hateful, I am not unworthy, I AM Human. I was so selfish, I made horrible choices, I want change, I am truly learning to appreciate the amazing, incredible, loyal, caring H that I have. For every great quality

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 6:11pm

Hi Healing-

I am so proud of you. I really am. 77 is so huge and you should be proud of yourself for that. It takes great strength and courage to walk away from something/someone that has meant so much to you. This is quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It has caused me to take a good hard look at myself- face the inner demons and really put in the hard work to become a better person. I can feel it inside and I can see it in your posts, Healing. You are one of the women in my army who have helped me through this... And before you know it, you and I will be hanging out in tweenerville together. We are here waiting for you, honey. 13 more days and counting. I've got your seat saved. Just keep rowing ahead and keep working through the emotions.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 6:44pm

Dear Healing,

WOW 77 days NC. That is a huge accomplishment. I can't wait to be where you are. I really can't. I appreciated your honestly and authenticity - some days ARE so much harder than others. Today was a hard day for me - I have yet to post about my conference away with xAP last week - still trying to figure it out - but it has meant a harder day for me than it may have otherwise been. I have an xAP that still fishes almost daily. He finds reasons to write me about things for school and/or work. While he doesn't push anything, I have to work daily at keeping me on the right path. It is so hard.

It must have been hard to see you xAP wave at you. It is difficult to fight those embodied reactions. I am learning to too. I feel like I have to almost disconnect from my 'being' when I am sharing a space with him or else the 'too familiar' way of interacting with him will emerge. Gosh that would be so much easier. But I ain't no quitter. Neither are you. I am so proud of you. Just think of the amazing company you'll be keeping in tweenerville.

Healing - we're doing it. I love the expression around here: 'no one said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it'. Isn't that the truth.

((hugs))

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010
LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 6:30am

Healing,


Im so happy for you. It seems like you are gaining more control over this and clearing the fog a little.


Its difficult to return to our RL life and try to keep those triggers at an arms length let alone driving by him. WOW!! Im so proud of you Healing, I really am. Im not sure I could do that yet. Sometimes I think Im strong and can walk with my head held high, then other times I feel like Im squeaking by and just trying to get through the day.


Keep focusing on your H and your family. Thats where our RL is, that is where we need to put our efforts. My H and I had a great night the other night and all we did was sit in bed with popcorn and watch a Saturday Night Live episode we had recorded. I forgot how safe that felt and it was a great reminder that I married my H because of his kind heart and many wonderful qualities. I just need to remember that XMM didnt have those, I thought he did but it was just anojther side effect of that fog.


TU, you and I started NC/LC around the same time and I enjoy reading your posts and responses. You have more strength than you give yourself credit for. Stay on that right path TU. Several of us will be in Tweenerville around the same time, you, myself, Healing, Alice and more that I didnt not mention or lurk. This A has been one of the hardest things for me to move beyond but we will get there.


GMLB

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 8:27am

WOW TU,


I think that YOU deserve so much more credit than you give yourself!!! I cannot imagine having to deal with daily fishing, or seeing the person on a regular basis. I honestly give so much credit to those of you who have to do the LC at work. I can only imagine the strength it takes and the constant reminder of the poor choices we made for ourselves and our families.


I am not out of the woods by any means. I am still affected by yesterday's extremely brief moment of seeing him.


Jane and GMLB, thank you. You always have kind reassuring words for me and I appreciate every one of them. I read the post on "acceptance" again... I truly believe I

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 8:39am

Congratulations Healing on your 77 days NC!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2010
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 10:01am

healing -


Wow.