Looking for books - suggestions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Looking for books - suggestions?
7
Sun, 05-08-2005 - 6:59am

Hi all,

I am looking for books regarding A's. The grieving process, the reason they happen & also I am looking for any books that focus on self sabotage or self abuse (which I am SURE I do to me).

Thanks guys, hope you all had a terrific mothers day - I did! :)

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Sun, 05-08-2005 - 7:20am

Hi Liz - Happy Mother's Day!

The book I am reading unfortunately doesn't deal with affairs per se.. but the possible root cause as in my case ("The Sex Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido, A Couple's Guide" by Michele Weiner Davis.

So - it may not apply to you. I am also one for beating myself up a lot - a lot. I know it is bad because OM had told me on several occasions that I really need to just stop doing that.

I am interested in hearing what others are reading that helped.

Rhonda

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Sun, 05-08-2005 - 9:00am

Hey Liz,

I was in a bookstore last night and looked in the Relationships section, there were several good ones! Also, here is a list that mfreenow posted in a thread under Off-Topic Discussions -

1)Not just friends : Author S Glass

2)After the affair : Author J Abrams

3)The Monogamy myth : P Vahaugn

4)Wild at heart : Author J Eldridge

5)Passionate marrage : Author Schnarch

6)Shattered vows : Author S Glass

7)His Need Her needs" how to build an affair proof marriage. by Harley

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Sun, 05-08-2005 - 3:10pm

Whoops I should have checked the other posts first, the list was posted already by AP.

Free




Edited 5/8/2005 3:13 pm ET ET by mfreenow
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2005
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 1:08pm
It seems that these books are more directed toward the betrayed spouse. Is that a misconception?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 4:59pm

Yes it is, but some do lean that way with out question but that does not mean you cannot learn from them, consider if the author is trying to explain affairs to the B/S that info can be useful to the W/S to understand her/his self to.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 6:23pm

The one that sticks out in my mind was:
Hell Hath No Fury - the end of the Affair

It is a compilation of hundreds of letters to and from (mostly women) lovers who have ended the A or were left.......
some are heartbreaking, some are hilarious!!!!! and lets face it, during the end we do need to find a way to laugh.

there are letters from lots of unknown people, letters found, letter from famous people like Marie Anntoniette (sp) Anne Boylen...., famous writers and authors who had famous affairs...........

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 11:46pm

Hi - I relied on a lot of books & articles & a wonderful network of supportive friends who always told me the truth -- to get me out of an EMA (me-D, he-M) over 2 years ago. This site helped me tremendously also. There is life after the affair!!

I still read a lot of books on relationships that help me. So then & now (not focused on EMAs but helped me)

Don't Call That Man and The Ambiguous Man both by Rhonda Findling
Self Matters by Dr. Phil
The Dance of Anger
How to be an Adult in a Relationship
Codependent No More! by Melody Beatty

Good luck - I finally & successfully ended my EMA of 3 years (and all 3 cycling through breakups & reunions), starting when I found this site in 11/02 and when I started NC in April 2003.

I am so grateful everyday for the wonderful, guilt-free (well mostly, I am a working mom!) life I've had since I broke out of that addiction, that prison of the affair.

Good luck!! Freedom is sweet -- keep on keeping on!!