Looking for help, support, guidance

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2009
Looking for help, support, guidance
12
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 10:13am

Hi all,


I'm new to this board..mostly been on MAS. I'm here because I'm in an A. Very brief history:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 10:55am

Hi gray and welcome to EAS (((hugs)))

You are absolutely doing the right thing for yourself. It's no use spending all of our precious time on Earth being lonely and miserable. You seem to have a good take on things and yes you are ending the A for the right reasons. you will need all of your energies on yourself as you land on your feet and decide what you want to do in the future - marriage counseling? Rebuilding? or maybe considering a D.

Ending an A is very difficult emotionally and we are here to support you as you move through the different stages of grief. Try to keep busy and focused on your children. Lean on friends and family, even if you can't share anything with them; just having them around made me feel better when I was going through the first month of withdrawal. Be extra good to yourself when you experience triggers (perfectly normal). You are welcome to post as much as you need to.

big big hugs,

trixie xo



"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.”
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2009
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 11:27am

I just wanted to offer you support. I felt the same way. I was only happy when I was with my xAP which wasn't that much and I was so full of guilt and sadness the rest of the time I just knew it wasn't healthy for me even though I felt at the time that my marriage was over.

My husband and I did go to counseling together (for 8 months!) and it has greatly helped things. We definitely still have our issues, but overall things have been much better. Have you tried MC? Does your husband want to work on things and does he feel like there are issues in your marriage?

I'm sorry you are sad and I still go through those periods now, but overall since ending things I feel so much happier and I know I did the right thing. I want that for you too. Things are not going to get better for you emotionally if you are living a lie.

Ending the affair is definitely the right thing to do. It is extremely difficult and I have made some mistakes with it but always the right thing to do.

Just know that many of us are in similar situations and we know how difficult it is. We are here to support your road to recovery.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 3:21pm

welcome to eas-


i hope you are ending.

CL-Lovely Starr

"No memory of having starred; atones for later disregard; or keeps the end from being h

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 4:54pm

TOG,


Right now you have control over what happens.....if you continue, you'll eventually have a d-day (been there, done that) and then you lose any and all control over the situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2006
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 8:08am

TOG,


I can tell by reading your post that you are very attached to your AP and feel you have nothing left of your marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2009
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 10:08am

Hi Hope


I think you are spot on with what you wrote.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2009
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 8:12pm

Hi TOG,

Wow, I can really relate to your post. You seem torn between existing in your lonely marriage and being emotionally fulfilled by a man who is only available part-time. The worst part of the A for me was wondering why it isn't full-time...why wasn't it real life. And why they (x-APs) seem okay with it like that? I often wondered if my x-MM had melt downs the way I did after we were together. I wondered if it just gave him enough of a high to get through to next time.

I'm glad to hear that you are getting counseling. It is really tough to go through this by yourself. I really hope that you find the strength to end it NOW before more years of your life are dwindled away. I wish I would've been strong enough to end mine a long time ago, but the more I read here, the more I realize that I have to go...for my sake. Even if AP is a great guy (mine is too), the situation is not good for the soul. Walk away if you can. We are here to support you and each other. Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2009
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 9:08pm
Hello everyone ! I am new to the board, found the website last nite, read a lot of the posts ( for about an hour) and felt that this is the place I need to be for support.After reading and relating to some of the posts I broke down in tears, the entire time
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 11:11pm

Hey goddess-


Just read what you said and I think you need to start your own discussion to get more feedback from the other posters. Your post here may get lost bc its in someone else's discussion.


Just go up to general discussions and where it says 'start a discussion' and put in your discussion title and go from there- you could copy and paste what you have here if you like.


I'll just say that you are SO young- don't waste any more of your precious time on a MM. He will never leave his wife and kids. And you will never be satisfied living this part of your life in secret. It sounds like you aren't happy and it sounds like you are doing way too much to keep this A continuing and MM is just taking it all from you and not giving much in return.


Now is the time to ditch the MM and if you are in anyway committed to this other guy, you need to get serious about him or let him go. NC will not be easy if you feel that you are in love with MM but you have to see it for what it truly is.


Please

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 09-12-2009 - 11:56am

Hi and welcome to the board!!!!

CL-Lovely Starr

"No memory of having starred; atones for later disregard; or keeps the end from being h

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