Losing it!!
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| Wed, 06-15-2005 - 8:46pm |
Here is the very short version becuase if I write too much I may break down. I can't seem to control the crying, that punched in the gut, ripped my heart out, empty pit feeling in my stomach.
Had an A for a little over 2 years. Both married with children. After about 3 months he confessed. He then decided to work on his marriage. NC didn't last for too long. After a while he moved out a total of 2 times. Now he lives on his own and is divorced. My divorce is just about done too. Things were great. Now, out of nowhere he says that things are starting to take form and it scared him. He said that he knows, he feels how wonderful this is but just can not do it right now. Too stressful with all the other stuff in his life. I am confused. I feel like how can he just walk away after all the things he said and did. I feel pushed away like an after-thought. How is it so much easier for him to just go away?
I am devastated. Monday was the first full day of complete no contact. We had e-mailed back and forth for about 2 weeks since he began to feel this way. It's now Wednesday and I feel as if I am losing my mind. When does the pain stop? Has anyone felt like they may literally lose it? I'm scared sometimes. I know I need to get it together but I just don't know how. Please, if anyone out there can relate or can share any advice I would appreciate anything offered.
I've posted on the All Sides but never here. I think I just need some support, not debate just yet. There is so much I have left out so I will answer any questions if you have them.
Tell me why I am better off without him if you can. Please tell me this intense sad, empty feeling disappears.
Thanks to all in advance!
Edited for spelling, hoping I got hem all:)
Edited 6/15/2005 8:51 pm ET ET by jnj3

Dear Jnj3:
just want you to know that the devastating pain and sadness will go away one day. My A has been over for 1 yr and 8 months, and I have had total NC (finally) for almost 5 months. I promise that every little thing you do for your self respect you will be so glad about someday such as NO SEX and NO CONTACT. At this point in time I am so glad I was able to do those two things so so glad. He doesn't deserve you. You will fall in love again. I did. And my fiance is so much different in the way he loves me than xMM--there is no comparison. I can't believe I am loved so much with ACTIONS not words. Hold on--spend alot of time with your friends, cry, grieve, be good to yourself. The pain will last a long long time I am sorry to say--but it will finally end when you give up and let go. It is hard to do I know and seems to be a betrayal of the true love--but it is the ONLY WAY.
Survive