Losing my strength to not break nc

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Losing my strength to not break nc
10
Wed, 01-13-2010 - 12:11pm
Wow, the urge to reach out to him has been overwhelming today...what the hell? I was soooooo sure there is no way I'd break nc, but I even drafted an email. I haven't sent it though. OMG just when I think I'm good to go, it is like there is this force that says, OH NO YOU DON'T...you're not done torturing yourself yet....and just the other day I posted I'd rather light myself on fire than break nc. I don't think I will today...thank you for listening....I came here before clicking "send"....my sick little brain was wondering what the harm wouldd be in just saying "hi."
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 01-13-2010 - 12:24pm

Try like the dickens to get out of your "emotional" head and get into your "practical" head. If you can't do that, then just walk away from the computer and phone and forbid yourself OUTLOUD from going near them until you get a grip.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
Wed, 01-13-2010 - 12:26pm

Free -


I'm right there with you!

NC since October 2, 2009.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 01-13-2010 - 12:27pm

Don't do it, Free, Step away from the computer and go for a walk, or shopping, or out to lunch even if it's

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 01-13-2010 - 1:48pm

Good you came here Free.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Wed, 01-13-2010 - 1:56pm

You're right...you are all right...and after I posted here, I got some lunch, read your responses and the drafted email is now deleted. The urge has passed, thanks to you all and the trace of dignity and strength that are hanging by a thread...but...they are still hanging!

The email was more than a hi...it was I miss your personality. I genuinely care about you and hope you have a happy life and would love to keep in touch as friends....blah blah blah...geez, writing that down here to you sounds pathetic. I don't want to be that pathetic, desperate girl again!

Who am I kidding? I can't be his friend.

It saddens me too, iddy, that I'm so strong and full of resolve one day and incredibly weak the next. That being said, I DID NOT break nc. I worked through it with your help and am moving on. I am making progress. I don't feel pain anymore...like real pain, you know? I'm just...ok with it all now...if I don't give in to my weaks blips...

My heart and head are still fighting, but my heart is running out of gas. If it wasn't, my post would have been about the fact that I'd already broken nc.

Coming here has helped me, once again...THANK YOU!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 01-13-2010 - 2:01pm
Dips are ok and to expected -- but the real progress is shown with how you responded to the stress of missing the A and the Junk. You (We) might not always be able to control how we feel, but we can ALWAYS control how we act! Good job!!! Better days are coming and you deserve them.
xo
Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 01-13-2010 - 2:14pm

Free,


<<>


Woo-Hoo!! Proud of you, girl, and also proud that you came here first. We all have had

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2009
Wed, 01-13-2010 - 10:39pm

Free === Good for you!


Every time you win the battle and avoid contacting X-AP the more strength you gain for the next time and the pain does become less and less each time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 01-13-2010 - 11:06pm

Hi NB and Free


Kudos to you Free for sticking to NC. It shows you've grown from the experience and are replacing old behaviors with new ones. That is huge! Good for you!


NB, I think you

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2009
Wed, 01-13-2010 - 11:17pm

NB, I think you