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| Tue, 04-19-2005 - 1:37pm |
Well things were going well between H and I until this weekend (we have been trying to work it out for the past couple of weeks). We went to a function on Saturday and my MM and his wife were there. I was ok with things and so was my H. MM and his wife on the other hand were not. MM actually had a very hard time with it. He couldn't even be in the same room as me and eventually took off without even telling his wife where he was going or that he was leaving. She told me about MM, and I have to admit it caused me to really be worried. So much that I contemplated calling him and speaking with him but I didn't. Later on the night when I was inside and H was outside MM came up to him and gave him a letter. It basically said how mad he was at my H for doing this to him and I, and that it didn't have to be this way. That he still wanted to be friends with me so badly and that he cared about the both of us (my H and his wife have known what has gone on between us all along). So we dealt with that...it was hard but it was ok. I told my H that I wanted to call MM because he was in so much pain that I felt that I was the root of all his pain and that I needed to talk to him. Well MM beat me to the punch and we did end up talking. I told him that this situation was only temporary and that I did want him in my life, if only as friends. I also told him that he has to get to point where he has to fight for what he believe in. Screwed up I know, but he if wants me he has to fight for me. He dropped off a letter for me the next day basically saying how much he loved me and how much he needed me to be in his life. He didn't care what form this might be in, whether it is just calling every once in while or actually leaving our spouses to be together. I told my H about the letter and he wanted to read it, so I let him. It contained part of the truth about the situation so I let him. He was hurt and angry about it. My H insists that I still haven't made up my mind. And he is correct I haven't. I know I can't have it all but I am scared to make a choice that I might regret later on. I guess I need someone to tell my the hard honest truth that I can't tell myself.....

BAL
You want the cold hard truth, there are two people that are not to be blamed for this stinking mess YOUR HUSBAND AND HIS WIFE, how dare that JERK blame your husband for his pain, he is hurting because he messed with someone elses spouse...HE DID THIS TO HIMSELF PLAIN AND SIMPLE. Time for him to GROW UP and take responsibility for his actions and the pain they have brought into the lives of the people around him.
YOU need to star TOTAL NO CONTACT and deal with your resonsibilities to your husband and children if any. You have to get this guy out of your life completely including partes or any other place your going to see him, there is know way your going to be making good desisions about your marriage with him working in the back ground to sink your marriage and that is what he is doing, he is SO LUCKY your husband has not beat him into the ground for showing up at your house like that.
ONE THING TO BARE IN MIND "WHAT HE WILL DO WITH YOU HE WILL DO TO YOU". Could you ever really trust him and could he really ever trust you ?
Never ever end a marriage with the idea that the AP will be there for you, married men that cheat almost never leave there wife for the OW but many will lie like a thief to end the OW marriage and then just keep her on a string for years to come while her husband moves on with some one worthy of him.
95+ percent of relationships found in affairs die in under one year after the AP get together in a real world relationship in which the have to face real world problems and each other 24/7, the old saying is true if you want to end an affair live together.
While here is the COLD HARD TRUTH what are you going to do with it ????/
Free
im sorry but your MM has no backbone at all
he should just let it go, he has hurt so many people already
i am sorry but MM actions are very selfish, i think in the end he will end up in the gutter, i am surprise MM wife did not kick him out yet, u are lucky that your husband has given you another chance, u should take that offer from your husband, seldom we get a second chance
i can only wish i will be given a second chance in life
max
B/A
You should give his WIFE a call and see if she knows he has left her MANY O/W have been told what you were told and learned to there shock after leaving there HUSBAND that the XMM never told his wife he was leaving and never did leave her.
If you want a look at YOUR future if you leave your husband for this head case TAKE A CLOSE LOOK AT HIS WIFE, how has he treated her, do you want the same treatment from him.
All this CONFUSION says pretty clearly that this is a VERY UNHEALTHY "RELATIONSHIP", if you leave your husband for this unstable person I expect in a few months you will either be trying to get your husband to give you another chance or your going to just be ALONE because this is not going to work this gut is totally SELFISH and will bring that SELFISHNESS to any "relationship" that he is part of.
I STRONGLY suggest that YOU inforce TOTAL NO CONTACT against him until you know that your thinking clearly so that you do not end your family only to live to regret it.
DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN if so do you have any concern for there future or are you totally focused on you.
Free
BA,
MM leaving his wife is not the same as DIVORCE, he can go back anytime, in my opinion, MM is playing u and your H, i think he is dangerous, very unstable i think
no contact, let it play out , see if he realy is getting a divorce
jmo,
max