Lost my best friend too

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2010
Lost my best friend too
11
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 6:30am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 7:35am

Dear Bubblyone,


I'd like to welcome you to EAS and also say I am sorry you are in such pain, but sadly it comes with the affair territory. They always start out charged with excitement

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2010
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 7:48am
ty Iddy, your words make sense... I just have to make sense of
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2008
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 8:45am

Hi Bubbly


welcome to EAS. I just wanted to say you may feel alone but you are not. Many of us know excelty how your feeling. So even though the text messages have stop and the constant attention towards you is gone...remember youre not alone.


I too felt like I lost my best friend, and in many aspects, I did. I was in my A for a couple of years...he was my go-to person. He walked out without a goodbye...it hurt...still does but it is getting better.


After the intinal shock of the A ending I started to refocus on my M and slowly started to make my H my go-to person. It was a place to start to start rebuilding everything I had done. I had to let my H be there for me, and to let me try at our M.


Over the course of the last few months, I now realize how many red flags XAP gave me....if I would have taken my blinders off it wouldnt have gotton as far as what it did...but I wanted so much to believe his every word and to irgone the truth telling behaviour. It happens to all of us.


Keep reading here, so many words of wisdom on this board,so much truth and more importanly this board is the path to healing.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2010
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 9:01am

Thank you dm, I know I'm not on my own in what is happening to me right now.


I suppose it's still early doors for me, in that it's not even a week since it ended.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 9:47am

Hi Bubblyone :-)


You seem like a compassionate person and right now you need to turn that compassion towards yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 10:05am

Dear Bubblyone,

One of the most supportive emails I received to help me snap back into reality, was when E1 took sections of my previous posts and messaged them to me to reflect on my own words. I have gone through your post, and wondered if you might like to read it over to judge for yourself, looking from the outside in, whether or not this person you describe is even a friend, never mind a best friend? I ask you to consider what your understanding of friendship is, how friends make one another feel, and whether or not in Real friendships we have to play the games we do in affairs to just get a 'caring' response.

*****

Because our A partners learn how to be in opposition to what is going on at home ... if sex at home sucks, they become great lovers, if H can't communicate, they become great communicators, this in return compels us to share more and experience unconditional acceptance, because really, who are they to judge?

The reason you are down is him.



Friends don't need to test their friendships.

This must have felt awful, truly. I have experienced that same sense of humiliation and embarrassment.

So trust your instinct now and run! Close the door, grab that power back and know that if you leave it up to him to decide, you'll be on this painful roller-coaster until he decides to get off the ride. You'll feel worse ... so much worse.

Every single time I need my best friend she is there. She would walk 100 miles in the snow, rob someone to use their phone to check-in on me, would move appointments ... you feed his ego by begging to see him. It is emotionally self-harming.

No reason to lie? That's all we do in A's. We lie to everyone, including ourselves. He is clearly telling you it is over.

I really ask yourself to think about this statement. Is this love? Does it feel like love or some crazy obsessive situation that you can't tolerate living in, but can't/don't/won't get out of?

I have been in healthy relationships ... we didn't need to stay in perpetual contact to feel connected and secure. This is the difference. The feeling of wellness only lasts in the moments where you are literally connecting, otherwise you're living in self-doubt and pain waiting for the next 'hit'.

I am just a newbie, 10 days today, but please trust me, and trust this community, when we say, it will get easier.

Welcome and hugs to you,

j.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2010
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 10:16am

Hi Victory,


Thank you for your thoughts... I hadn't really cried all day until I read your message.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2010
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 10:32am

Hi Jodi


I know you're right with all the things you've said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2010
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 12:12pm

I was just writing a reply to another post, and guess what happened... i got a text from xAP just saying hi and he hoped I was OK.


FFS!!!!


Talk about messsing me up... I've spent all day on here and had just gotten to the right frame of mind and he goes and messes me up again.


I spose it was what i wanted though... just a small amount of validation that I've not just been thrown aside like I felt I had.


I've just got to stayed focused I know that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 1:03pm

Not to be insensitive here, but

   ~Iddy~ 


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