Lost my lover!
Find a Conversation
Lost my lover!
| Sat, 07-17-2004 - 12:14pm |
Ok, Here's my story... I'm married, and I'm pretty happy with my relationship with my husband except for the sex. I realized that I needed something more exciting in my life in May. So I met this guy online, and we go out a bunch of times. He's tall, professional, from another country - but he's not very attractive. Fast forward two months - we're at his place: we hang out, laugh, make out - and then it happend for the first time - we made love. It was great! I was excellent, if I say so myself. He was very skilled, had the best stamina, and was the perfect size (just what I was looking for). The next day I freaked out and tried to break it off with him. I felt like a bad wife and a bad person. But then I realized that I had a need that I desperately needed to get fullfilled. I needed time to think about this and figure things out. I've seen him a couple times since, but haven't slept with him (to his dismay). He was so frustrated the last time we met that he broke it off with me saying there is no way that we can have a normal relationship. The thing is - I don't want a normal relationship - I just want sex... So, I'm really sad right now because I've lost my lover! I'm also really sad because he was the best sex I've had (ever), and now I feel doomed to a life of blah-sex. I'm also sad because I've been dumped by an ugly guy (my pride is a litlle bruised). I just want to move on, and accept my life the way it is, but all I can think about is my lover. I'm a woman who wants it all - companionship and great sex, but why do these things have to come in two very different packages? Help!

Hello.
After reading your post I'm wondering if you have any thoughts about your marriage.
I don't get the impression you're all that concerned about the lies you told your husband to get the good times with ex-OM. OR for that matter if you want to stop seeking solutions to your lack of sexual enjoyment by going outside of your marriage for momentary respite.
If you want to pursue affairs as a band-aid for poor sex with husband I suggest you change boards to the my affair board for advice and support for a dual life.
If you wish to seek solutions that include your husband, I suggest some serious one on one conversations with him and also some marital counseling and personal counseling. I don't think it is necessary to "confess" the affair that is already over. Just learn from the experience and how to avoid it as a way of life. I believe many affairs result from trying to fill a void in the marriage by avoiding a direct resolution of the underlying issues that are used to justify participation in the affair.
If you're ready to address the underlying issues, by all means please continue to post here on this board for support as you resolve them in order to lead a life of integrity and honesty.
Not to mention with a little more humbleness and compassion, too.........it took two to get married and two to get to this juncture in your marriage.
If resolution with husband isn't your goal, why not begin divorce proceedings so husband can live his life with someone who isn't lying to him? Doesn't he deserve that from his wife as much as you deserve "great sex"?
For that matter, don't you deserve to be able to not lie to one you loved enough to marry? Doesn't he deserve honesty from you?
You should consider individual counceling, You seem to have very bad self-esteem issues that need to be addressed, I don't believe it is really about sex, I think your over compansating
for internal issues you have.
What would you think if it was your husband doing this to you, would he be selfish shallow and self-serving????
Time to face those DEMONS.