a lot of relapse on the board

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
a lot of relapse on the board
16
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 6:21pm

Well it looks like alot of us have lost our NC recently WTF is wrong with us?
I have talked with xMM all day. He wants me to "hold onto him and never let go" whether it takes two years, one year, six months, two days. HE CAN'T DO THE DIVORCE UNLESS I HOLD HIM THROUGH THE WHOLE THING I told him I can't do that because I don't believe he will follow through, I am dating someone new and I am not getting any younger.

It would have been so much easier if the original relapse had not happened. Its like these xMM find our weakness and try to reel us in to believing in "our love" again. And we allow it to happen. I think when we get stronger they want us more.

But I believe all of us--Mere, Shel, Hurtpup and I will get our NC back again soon because we know it is the only way and the RIGHT THING. I've told the truth--I am sorry I am in this place again. Of coarse xMM has never been this sweet because he sees I am really moving on now. am I? Are we?

Survive

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 7:14pm

Well i guess i can be happy b/c MM and I ended on Sunday and I have had NC for 3 days!LOL

Really though I wish us all strength to continue on this hard road!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 7:29pm

I can't tell you how much these posts have helped me. Altho sometimes it makes me think about my XMM more, it's nice to know I'm not alone in the way I'm feeling and what I'm going through.

Today has been really tough for me. I did break NC last week by sending him an email, before that we had NC for almost 2 months. I emailed him to ask him to return something of mine that he has. I asked him not to respond to my email, I will know he got it when I receive my item back. Now I find myself driving to my PO Box everyday looking for his mail!!! It does get easier right??? I have to stop playing the "what if" game and MOVE ON!! Some days I just can't stop crying and other days I feel so strong and confident.

Dallas

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2005
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 7:36pm

Ok. This is really funny that I'm reading this at this very moment because I just got a call from my xMM and I's mutual friend who is visiting from out of town. He said he wants to hang out with me and that my xMM is coming out too. I asked him if my xMM knew that he was going to ask me to come out too and he said no.

Now, I want to go but I feel like I've gotten better without seeing or talking to my xMM. I know I shouldn't go but I want to because at least I'll get a chance to see him then (I ended it). Help me so I won't go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 8:14pm

HB

Dont be Stupid (from your name) if you go your only going to end up back at square one starting all over again, do you really need the pain all over again.

DON'T CONTACT THAT PERSON HE IS NOT WORTH IT.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 8:33pm
You are not kidding. I just got an email from xom tonight. What is going on here. I am wishing us all strength that we stay strong and stay on the positive road.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 8:58pm
hmmm...my NC is gone today too. I don't really care though. It doesn't change anything. I'm not going to be with xmm and I know it. In fact...he said something that helps me be angry with him. This man that I love...told me that he wants me to be happy and that maybe I should start dating. WTF? A$$hole. A new guy is the LAST thing I need right now...and he is the LAST person on earth that I need to tell me that. Yeah...I'm sure that me crying over the loss of the MARRIED love of my life would go over really well on a first date!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 10:53pm

I know it hurts, but it sounds like your xMM just confirmed that NC is the road you're both on now. He's moving on and you're moving on. Nobody likes to experience a breakup, but it's something that we all go through at some point. Good luck. skippxt

Skip

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 11:09pm

When your life is like a YO-YO it just means you're not (yet) ready. You have not (yet) accepted fully that ending and NC are what is best for YOU.

I rode the same YO-YO train on this board for several years so I understand where you're coming from. I also understand the life AFTER the final end. The peace can't be easily put into words but it is wonderful.

Stay focused on what is best for YOU and some day, you too will realize that ending it for good and for all eternity is the only and best thing you can do for yourself and your sanity!

When you ARE ready, it will just happen.....you truly will not need and not want the man in your life.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 11:18pm
yeah...it's the worst hurt I've ever experienced in my life. I'd rather go through a divorce again than go through this. I don't know what I'm "moving on" to yet. I'd be so much better by now if I didn't have to see him at work occasionally. It's been avoided as much as possible since the break up. I'm so tired of people bringing up his name. I'm so tired of knowing that he exists...without ME. I don't even care so much that I'm alone now. I like being alone...normally. I just can't find my self worth right now and I hate it. I HATE being on this side of the break up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2005
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 2:45am

So here I am on a Wed. night. I DID NOT go out with my xMM and our mutual friend. I told our mutual friend that I was busy and that I couldn't go. You don't know all the thoughts that went through my head. Trying to decide whether I should go our not. Trying to justify going. At the end, I went to the gym as planned and I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't think about how much fun it'd be to see him....but at the end, I decided that eventually, I'd have to go back to the first days of ending the relationship again (and I figured probably that if we saw each other tonight again, it'd start it all over again). And I'd just be prolonging the experience. And I had made some advancements in getting over him.

So I didn't go. I'm sure he heard that his friend invited me and that I bailed on them. I'm sure then, that my xMM would figure out that I didn't go because of him. Which gives me back some "power" since I was the one always going back to him whenever we tried to end things because at the time, I figured that even though I couldn't be w/ him completely (since he's married), that I would rather have the crumbs than nothing.

I can't tell you how GOOD I FEEL that I was the one that decided not to go. I don't remember the last time I had so much self control when it came to him. So for all the girls out there that are single and were in affairs with men, you can do it. I know that as time goes on, there will be other instances where I'll be faced with the decision to pick right back up again or not (everyday I have to stop myself from emailing, calling) but know that at the end, you're gonna have to end things for YOUR OWN good and it's better now than never. Thanks to Free for the email.

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