a lot of relapse on the board
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| Wed, 01-19-2005 - 6:21pm |
Well it looks like alot of us have lost our NC recently WTF is wrong with us?
I have talked with xMM all day. He wants me to "hold onto him and never let go" whether it takes two years, one year, six months, two days. HE CAN'T DO THE DIVORCE UNLESS I HOLD HIM THROUGH THE WHOLE THING I told him I can't do that because I don't believe he will follow through, I am dating someone new and I am not getting any younger.
It would have been so much easier if the original relapse had not happened. Its like these xMM find our weakness and try to reel us in to believing in "our love" again. And we allow it to happen. I think when we get stronger they want us more.
But I believe all of us--Mere, Shel, Hurtpup and I will get our NC back again soon because we know it is the only way and the RIGHT THING. I've told the truth--I am sorry I am in this place again. Of coarse xMM has never been this sweet because he sees I am really moving on now. am I? Are we?
Survive

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((((HBAS)))),
You have just cleared a major hurdle and I am very proud of you. I know how difficult that decision had to be but you stuck by your guns and "YES" is it empowering.
I hope that others will absorb the importance of making positive choices when it comes to "falling off of the wagon." All it takes is one encounter with XMM/XOM to start the vicious cycle up all over again, and you chose wisely.
So, my dear, when are you going to remove that "stupid" part of your name? In my book, you have earned entitlement to change it to "Heart_broken_and_smart"
Hello to all,
I see that some of you have just recently ended your affairs and that is the toughest stage of all in my opinion. If you truly want NC, bloCk the e-mail address, block his phone calls and start your MOVING FORWARD AS best as possible. I know it is easier said than done, and I also know that feeling of am I ever going to hear from him again, How is he doing, Will he call, let me check my e-mail 50 times a day to see if he sent anything. All that is a complete set back and only leads to hurt and confused feelings because once we respond to them they have hooked lined and sinkurred us once again. I wish all of you so much strength and courage to get through your difficulties. Time is the best medicine for all if you choose to take it wisely, Day by day.
Good Luck to all of you.
Ladybug
You know, if I had been on this board about 18 months ago, back when I made my FIRST attempt at breaking up with him, you would have seen a woman that was SO easily led back by him over and over again. It took me about a year of back and forth, before it really ended about 6 months ago, although the sex ended way before that. The problems we were having were so serious to me, that although I still continued a rocky relationship with him, I couldn't give myself to him sexually anymore. Something that put the power back in my court again and probably made it easier to really end it officially.
Some who know my situation here, know that NC isn't possible because the 4 of us are friends, nor is it what I really want. But what I HAVE stuck to is no PRIVATE contact between us...no phone calls, no private meetings..nothing I cannot tell my H about (although I DID have private contact last weekend when me and H went to their house and found ourselves alone for a few minutes..resulting in hugging and kissing; it reaffirmed my stance that we cannot be alone together again).
I went from chatting with him online for an hour or more a night, 7 nights a week..to about two very brief conversations online with him weekly. And those conversations must stay about work, family, tv shows, or anything else as long as the conversation doesn't drift back to US. If it does, I quickly end the conversation. First, because we usually end up rehashing all the problems that led to the break up..something we've gone over dozens of times already, and those conversations leave me shaking and angry all over again. Nothing ever gets accomplished. And second, because like I said, he's a charmer that can convince the Pope that he isn't catholic.
I think having gone through the breaking up process over and over, finally got me to the place I am today. Maybe if I had found this board 18 mos. ago the process would have taken less time, because I find reading everyones situation and the similar feelings we all share, very theraputic for my recovery.
But I have already started experiencing the payoff for distancing myself from him emotionally and physically (although I still have some work to do yet on the emotional part). The payoff being: My stress level has decreased CONSIDERABLY! I don't find myself preoccupied with what he's doing or who he's with or who he's talking to. I don't sit here wondering why he hasn't called me or why he can't see me lunchtime. I'm starting to re-direct my focus away from him, and onto ME for a change! I'm getting there, but I haven't fooled myself thinking that I won't still have rough spots. But at least I know you are all here to get me through them.
Hugs
Hurtpup
Something came over me last night. I had been saving a couple of emails in my inbox from my xMM (to read over and over again, which would only make me feel worse) well I deleted them!!! All of them! I took his name out of my email address book and blocked his email. I had thought about doing all of this before but just couldn't bring myself to do it, still playing the "what if's"... It feels good, like I've erased a certain part of that time in my life and I can almost actually feel a little healing in my heart.
I need to move on and be there for my family. I am working on focusing my attention elsewhere and on myself. I know that I will still have bad days but they will get farther and farther apart.
Dallas
I am very happy for you. Things eventually calm down, emotional healing is a big step as well. My main focus in recovery was my family and myself. I just got so tired of the pain and I knew that this was something that was not going to come back and that I did not want back. I still think of him I guess thats the emotional side still going through the notions, but I am and will continue to become stronger and better. YOU WILL TOO. Keep up the NC It is such a good way of recovering.
Take Care......
xMM and I both agreed to NC again yesterday and so far it has been easy for me today. I hope that all will get back on the wagon with me and that we stay on.
Survive
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