love and marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
love and marriage
14
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 6:10pm
A friend of mine told me the other day that statistics show that only 6% of married people say they are happy. And he said that the top three reasons for people who are unhappy staying married those are:(in this order)

1. the kids

2. financial reasons

3. afraid to admit failure to themselves, friends, and family

I don't know where he got those from, and I'm not even sure if I really believe "statistics", but my question is...what ever happened to love??? Doesn't being married for love exist anymore? Or is that just a fantasy?


Edited 3/2/2004 6:12:00 PM ET by plainsong9

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Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 12:00pm
Okay ISt, so take a deep breath and try and make it work. For the time being you have the A out of the pic, so XOM is not there to cloud your judgment. If you really want to get a divorce, then you'll know that you did it for you...not so you can be with another man......

I don't think I ever had big time passion for my H either. Now that I have had it , it is hard to go back to not having it. What I do have is a reliable husband that is a good husband to my children. He is smart and he never lied to me. That is alot more then I could say for myself (the lying adulteress) or for my XOM (lying manipulating oaf)....

I think you have a firm grip on things...you sound strong. Whatever happ;ens you are going to be okay.

HUGS

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 9:38am
ist,

Your situation sounds almost identical to mine.

DH and I have never had a passionate kind of love - friendship has always been at the core of our relationship. In fact, when I met DH, he was different from anyone else I'd ever been involved with. I'd always been involved with "unhealthy" men (emotionally abusive or distant or players or whatever!) Because DH was a 180-degree change for me, I assumed that he was "the one." So after three years of dating and much pressure from me, we got married. We'll celebrate our 3rd anniversary next month. We have a two-year-old whom we both absolutely adore, and DH is a terrific father. He's a great provider and is extremely responsible.

On the other hand, I have never been satisfied with the emotional or physical intimacy of our relationship, and we have very different views on some significant issues. So when MM and I began our A, I intended for it to supplement that lack of intimacy at home (which we've never, like you said, had - it's not, as many people might think, because we had a baby!) Unfortunately, MM and I fell in love along the way. I only ended the A a week ago because I'm torn between wanting to do the socially acceptable thing (and not hurt my H, because I *do* love him) and wanting to be true to myself and start anew with MM (who isn't even sure if he'd leave HIS W for me). What a mess!

Anyway, I'm glad to read your posts because I identify so much with what you write. Hang in there sweetie =)

ItalianPisces

 

ItalianPisces

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 11:21am


wow... ist123, you just completely summed up my marriage and the way I feel about it in those 2 short paragraphs... those have been my thoughts for over a year now.



"O.K., but what if you just have a friendship kind of love? No passion, not even interested in sex. Is that enough to keep a marriage going? Is that where all relationships end up after 10 years? "

"That's where mine is now. We have a very good friendship, and never fight, but I have no romantic feelings for him. I'm only 33 years old. Isn't that too young to settle for that type of relationship? My friends all tell me that even when the fire burns out, there should still at least be a flicker. I don't even have a match."


Comp

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 9:19pm

I must be part of that 6%.


Yes, it's my second marriage.


And in marriage # 1 I used all 3 reasons cited to stay married. And have affairs. The affairs ended when I stopped believing and

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