Love the OP or love the A?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Love the OP or love the A?
3
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 10:04am

This question has been bothering me for a long while. In advice given by Free in a previous discussion she writes:

>>Don't kid yourself NONE of this is about XMM this all about you and you alone.<<

I think about this all the time. In my mind, I am still deeply in love with the OW, yet I hate all of the aspects associated with the A (i.e. lies, deceit, secrecy, etc.) As I've posted before, I DO still love my wife as well, but it is more of a mature, married love, and the romantic part of it as not as strong as it was with the OW.

So how was the A all about me? In my mind I genuinely love the OW, and if it wasn't for other factors (still loving my wife, and the kids) I would have jumped ship and gone with the OW. Isn't it possible for a person to fall in love with another even though they are currently married or in a committed relationship? Why is it about "me" and "me alone" as Free writes? I am not trying to be confrontational here; I want to understand. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 10:23am

GN

Why is it about "ME", because your the one getting something out of it your the one getting the PAYOFF.

All HEALTHY relationships mature in time to what you and your wife have, if the affair lasted and became a marriage the same thing would happen there as well... then what are you going to do to get that THRILL AND HIGH that we all get from a new relationship cheat again ???

The experts say that the first 2 years of all relationships are big time INFATUATION time, toss in lots of LUST for that new body and you have a mix that can couse a lot of confusion causeing people to THINK that there in love.

Also these fantasy based relationships are not burdoned by real world problems like the bills/kids/mortgages and all the rest of the stuff that a real marriage has to weather.
If the AP get together in the real world they often discover that they don't really have enough in common to face the real world together.

Free




Edited 3/16/2005 11:36 am ET ET by mefreenow
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 10:31am

<>

This is what kept me from fantasizing about me and XMM being together as a real couple someday..I never even considered it. I recognized it as being the newness of the relationship as being where those intense feelings come from and that, in time, it would settle down into the daily grind of life. However, in all fairness, I still believe the sex was like nothing I've ever experienced before, not even with H in the beginning. I do believe that some people are just better suited sexually than others..me and XMM being that. But as far as being a real couple, I think we'd end up choking each other after we left fantasy-land :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 10:43am

Pup

As they say the biggest sex organ in the world is the one between your ears, with affairs there is a huge amount of anticipation and imagining going on before the main event that causes a lot of bio chemical stuff to happen that hypes the act up beyond what is normal, even in affairs if they go on long enough and the sex is regular enough this will die down in time BUT it takes longer to die down then in a normal relationship because of these factors.

Free