Love Shack torn down- the ultimate analogy
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Love Shack torn down- the ultimate analogy
| Mon, 02-07-2011 - 6:02pm |
Well I am struggling lately. I thought coming back to EAS would make it easier- and it certainly does in many ways. But it also makes me remember things - things which are painful- which is why I started to lay off EAS. I'll stick around and work through why its so painful to work through the fact that the A ended-hopefully it will get easier soon.
But this morning I drove my daughter to school and my route took me past our old 'hotel'. I was half way past it when it flashed into my head that I was driving past it. My head went into mini-raptures thinking 'Wow, Im driving up this road and I didnt even THINK to look at that hotel- wow I MUST be getting better- yay me!'
But as I turned my head to look at it (still had to look!) I was shocked out of my skin- it is being torn down with condos being built there!!! I couldnt believe it! I dropped daughter to school and drove back. I pulled over and looked at it for a while. I got REALY upset. I could see the rooms that we had gone into - 'that was where we went the day that he told me he loved me', 'that was the room where we had a single bed', 'that was the room we...' blah blah blah.
I cried and felt nauseous. WHEN DOES THIS BLOODY END! Then I made myself rethink those memories - 'that was the room where we f#@ed like I was a hooker', 'thats the room where we had to hurry because he needed to get home', 'that was the room where he said he cant keep doing this/told me his pet name for his wife/told me he thought I had aworse marriage than him/ told me my skin was too freckly in some areas.... blah blah blah'.
So I guess doing that was healthy - but sh%t!!!! When does it let up! I have had lots of thoughts about exAP lately- this time of year has lots of memories and as Foggy said, some things you just cant 'unremember'.
Thank God for you guys- I WILL get through this!!!!
Iggyx
But this morning I drove my daughter to school and my route took me past our old 'hotel'. I was half way past it when it flashed into my head that I was driving past it. My head went into mini-raptures thinking 'Wow, Im driving up this road and I didnt even THINK to look at that hotel- wow I MUST be getting better- yay me!'
But as I turned my head to look at it (still had to look!) I was shocked out of my skin- it is being torn down with condos being built there!!! I couldnt believe it! I dropped daughter to school and drove back. I pulled over and looked at it for a while. I got REALY upset. I could see the rooms that we had gone into - 'that was where we went the day that he told me he loved me', 'that was the room where we had a single bed', 'that was the room we...' blah blah blah.
I cried and felt nauseous. WHEN DOES THIS BLOODY END! Then I made myself rethink those memories - 'that was the room where we f#@ed like I was a hooker', 'thats the room where we had to hurry because he needed to get home', 'that was the room where he said he cant keep doing this/told me his pet name for his wife/told me he thought I had aworse marriage than him/ told me my skin was too freckly in some areas.... blah blah blah'.
So I guess doing that was healthy - but sh%t!!!! When does it let up! I have had lots of thoughts about exAP lately- this time of year has lots of memories and as Foggy said, some things you just cant 'unremember'.
Thank God for you guys- I WILL get through this!!!!
Iggyx

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Iggy - What a powerful symbol of the end of
Iggy,
A really powerful post - YOU reminded us all here that we may never fully forget - but we can ALWAYS reframe ...WE CAN choose the images we hang on the walls of our memories ... and in fact, recreate the images all together when captured through the gaze of awareness, introspection and honesty.
AMAZING job at re-thinking and making new meaning of your past affair. When we kick those walls down, we feel our power. NO longer does the fog rule - surrending and releasing the hold that the affiar has, however small it may seem moves you/us closer to indifference.
Be proud of yourself today for doing the hard work of confronting the fog before it settled in.
Much care,
TU.
Hugs to you for being able to turn your thinking around to the real truth of your actions. I drive by the Hilton every day on my way into work - and truthfully, the pain of those memories faded with the first year. Now I feel nothing...actually I don't even see it as it means "nothing" anymore.
You will get there. You ask, "When will this let up?" It already is in very subtle ways. Remember, you had to turn around to look after you drove by the first time. This is progress.
((Hugs))
Yes I guess it is slow steps but I feel very 'at risk' today. I feel like I am trying to convince myself that it wasnt so bad after all- I know this is yet another rock in my path to healthy post-A mode. But boy oh boy its a slow old path some days.
And hell- YES! I did drive past initially and didnt even think of it. Seeing the hotel all torn down made me see too that it was a dive! Our A started in very swanky hotels and ended up in a really low-life dive. Seeing it pulled apart door by door, and window by window- was a pretty powerful analagy to how I am tearing myself down, only to rebuild into something classier and family-friendly :)
Love you all
Iggyx
((((IGGY ))))
SMART of you to come here and post through it.
I, Like you, am still new enough (3mos out in my case) that those thoughts still come to me too. Sure, I wish they didnt...but TU
:) made you smile
Hi Iggy,
I drive by the hotel where i used to meet the exAP.
While I am happy for you as the other posters have indicated. It is a good step forward in healing. And while I agree wholeheartedly with TU in that this is a great example of Reframing our perceptions of events....I have to say that what I see in your reframing is still a bit troublesome.
Look at your statements you made after you did your reevaluation. They still remained all about HIM. What he did to you that was negative, what he said to you that hurt, what he did that was bad. And while for sure this is a great step toward healing as a way to get away from the romanticism associated with the feel goods, you have been here long enough to know that in that reframing you are missing a very important piece toward true healing (IMHO)....responsibility.
Where are the statements such as "There is the place I spent while neglecting time with my children" or "There is the place where I made myself forget that I am actually unavailable to this man in anyway". You know what I mean? You have been around long enough, that I know you can see your part in what transpired.
And yes while i mentioned there are things that we can't unremember, I meant it in a way that it is associated always now with the pain that I caused on so many people around me, associated with me.
I know it hurts to think this way, and I can promise you that you WILL get through it....but it will let up when you let it.
I hope this is not to harsh for you, and make no doubts I am proud of you. Thank you for posting this, it is a powerful message of how all things get broken down.
Wishing you continued strength,
peace&light
Foggy
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