Love Shack torn down- the ultimate analogy
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Love Shack torn down- the ultimate analogy
| Mon, 02-07-2011 - 6:02pm |
Well I am struggling lately. I thought coming back to EAS would make it easier- and it certainly does in many ways. But it also makes me remember things - things which are painful- which is why I started to lay off EAS. I'll stick around and work through why its so painful to work through the fact that the A ended-hopefully it will get easier soon.
But this morning I drove my daughter to school and my route took me past our old 'hotel'. I was half way past it when it flashed into my head that I was driving past it. My head went into mini-raptures thinking 'Wow, Im driving up this road and I didnt even THINK to look at that hotel- wow I MUST be getting better- yay me!'
But as I turned my head to look at it (still had to look!) I was shocked out of my skin- it is being torn down with condos being built there!!! I couldnt believe it! I dropped daughter to school and drove back. I pulled over and looked at it for a while. I got REALY upset. I could see the rooms that we had gone into - 'that was where we went the day that he told me he loved me', 'that was the room where we had a single bed', 'that was the room we...' blah blah blah.
I cried and felt nauseous. WHEN DOES THIS BLOODY END! Then I made myself rethink those memories - 'that was the room where we f#@ed like I was a hooker', 'thats the room where we had to hurry because he needed to get home', 'that was the room where he said he cant keep doing this/told me his pet name for his wife/told me he thought I had aworse marriage than him/ told me my skin was too freckly in some areas.... blah blah blah'.
So I guess doing that was healthy - but sh%t!!!! When does it let up! I have had lots of thoughts about exAP lately- this time of year has lots of memories and as Foggy said, some things you just cant 'unremember'.
Thank God for you guys- I WILL get through this!!!!
Iggyx
But this morning I drove my daughter to school and my route took me past our old 'hotel'. I was half way past it when it flashed into my head that I was driving past it. My head went into mini-raptures thinking 'Wow, Im driving up this road and I didnt even THINK to look at that hotel- wow I MUST be getting better- yay me!'
But as I turned my head to look at it (still had to look!) I was shocked out of my skin- it is being torn down with condos being built there!!! I couldnt believe it! I dropped daughter to school and drove back. I pulled over and looked at it for a while. I got REALY upset. I could see the rooms that we had gone into - 'that was where we went the day that he told me he loved me', 'that was the room where we had a single bed', 'that was the room we...' blah blah blah.
I cried and felt nauseous. WHEN DOES THIS BLOODY END! Then I made myself rethink those memories - 'that was the room where we f#@ed like I was a hooker', 'thats the room where we had to hurry because he needed to get home', 'that was the room where he said he cant keep doing this/told me his pet name for his wife/told me he thought I had aworse marriage than him/ told me my skin was too freckly in some areas.... blah blah blah'.
So I guess doing that was healthy - but sh%t!!!! When does it let up! I have had lots of thoughts about exAP lately- this time of year has lots of memories and as Foggy said, some things you just cant 'unremember'.
Thank God for you guys- I WILL get through this!!!!
Iggyx

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I have spent way too much energy and focus on de-romanticising the A. It was initially very romantic and literally swept me off my feet. Thats the reason I keep focusing on how degrading and unromantic it all became. But yes you are right! I will never fully heal until I refocus on me! Exactly why WAS I prepared to ignore my family so readily. WHY was I ok about degrading myself physically and emotionally.
Thank you Foggy- you have given me a huge A-HA moment and I could kiss you for it! I dont know why I didnt see this myself! THANKYOU
Iggyxxx
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