For Lovesec

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2005
For Lovesec
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 12:41pm

I've noticed your posts on both the EAS board and MAS boards. I think the last one I read was that you were going to continue the affair and how happy you were about that. The bottom line in all of this is it sounds like you're extremely confused about your situation...understandably so. My suggestion for you, because though you may be happy now, there will be another unhappy post again, is to take the time to seriously think about what it is you want exactly. Truly break the affair off...no contact, no calls, no nothing. And not for a day or two or maybe a week, but for an EXTENDED period of time. You have to admit, you're addicted to this guy, and with any addiction, it takes awhile for it to get out of your system, for the cravings to go away, for you to start to think clearly, and then to change your life. It just appears that you never give yourself enough time for any of this to happen. I believe you said you work with the guy. Maybe you need to find something else if you can't function with working with him. And in your defense, I don't know if I would be able to, either.

The only reason I say any of this to you is because I've followed your posts for a few months now, and nothing seems to get resolved for you. I can feel your pain and confusion, and I've been there. And I know that there truly is a way out of it, but, really, the only way out is to get real with yourself. You love your husband, and you aren't going to leave him. He's staying with his wife. And the both of you keep fooling yourselves into thinking that you can carry on a double life, and that everything will be ok if you can just chill out. The thing is, though, is that you can never really chill out. You want to be with him. You imagine a life with him. You cannot just have some casual fling with him. And because it's not casual for the two of you, it just wrenches your heart out all the time. This is not making you very happy, it seems. Sure, fleeting moments, but not overall. If you truly want to be happy, and not have that constant feeling of sadness, frustration, etc., then it seems to me that the only, ONLY option you have is to cut it. No sort of cut it. No kind of cut it. No saying you're going to cut it but do the opposite. No pining. No whining. No bemoaning the loss of him. You are way past the point of no return. And if none of this is possible, then you need to get honest with your husband and be true to yourself. End your marriage. You're not truly married, anyway, you have to admit. A marriage involves being faithful, and that you just aren't, no offense to you. Your husband thinks he's married. You know that's not the case. And if you have any sort of conscience whatsoever, that's got to just eat away at your soul, you know? And you ARE important. Being happy is important. Do what you need to do to find that.

The day is coming when you need to come out of the shadows and into the light, and it's either got to be give up the marriage or give up the affair, but it can never be both, unfortunately.

Peace to you.

Pickle