Low Contact Sucks

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Low Contact Sucks
10
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 9:38pm

For those of you who are wanting to end NC, let me say that LC is quite possibly the worst part of this entire experience. The awkward pauses, the hurt, anger, rage palpable with every single exchange, the terrifying rush of mixed emotions that you can no longer share. It is horrible and torturous. It is overwhelming and washes waves of hopelessness over you that you can't imagine ... you plead for relief that has yet to come - and find comfort in continuing to hope against hope that time will heal.

Be grateful if you're in a work/career/education/life situation in which you will never see your XAP again.

J.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005
In reply to: jodi_09
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 10:00pm

big big hugs...I don't have any magical words for you but I hear you and I hope it gets better for you sooner than later.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: jodi_09
Mon, 01-25-2010 - 11:12pm

((((Jodi))))


Yeh...limited contact sucks.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
In reply to: jodi_09
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 5:10am

Hey Jodi,

I am in LC too and yes, it sucks!!!
NC is the greatest gift you can ever get.
I hate LC

hugs
Htgo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2009
In reply to: jodi_09
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 10:40am

Hi Jodi,

LC is really, really hard especially when the other person would like to continue things and you still have feelings for them. I tried it for basically 4 months and then I just decided one day there was no way it was going to work and I put my notice in the next day(had to give it to xAP that was hard!). He kept on saying no and kept on trying to figure out a way we could make it work (like working from home or something) which was really, really hard because I didn't want to quit. But, once I told my husband I was going to quit there was really no going back. There was a D day and my husband wanted me to quit anyway, but our therapist said that I needed to decide that on my own.

Now looking back I wish there was some way that I could have made it work. I don't think I tried hard enough and fully thought of all the consequences of quitting and I definitely wasn't reading here enough at that point to do a better job with LC. It is possible I would have ended up quitting anyway no matter what since my husband was very uncomfortable with me working there (understandably).

I hope it works out better for you. If you really love your job, please try your hardest to make LC work, but I would agree about keeping your resume updated and being open to new opportunities if you realize that you just cannot do it.

Take care

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: jodi_09
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 2:01pm

Hello All,

Thank you for all the support, normalizing and reminders about the importance of staying committed to low contact. I am not in a position to leave my job, I am a graduate student and I'm in several contracts to work/write/present with my xAP. I have taken steps to work at home more often, communicate only the necessities through email and have canceled meetings etc... to give me the time and space to heal and to continue on the right path so that I can be sure I can manage.

He did not have a D-day, we did at our end. My Husband takes the perspective that 'heck no ... you're not leaving school/contracts/research positions unless you really want/need to' ... If I can't make LC work, then I loose many many things, including my career within our Faculty. 9 years of schooling gone and my family will need to be uprooted to another city for the possibility of a teaching position elsewhere.

So ... this is why I am fighting really hard to do all the right things after a really wrong situation.

Much love to all,

j.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: jodi_09
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 3:34pm

(((Jodi))


<>


Hang in there. It will get easier, but you just have to give it more time. It took me at least 6 months before I was comfortable coming into work again without those haunting shadows casting their ugly

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2010
In reply to: jodi_09
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 6:38pm

I couldn't have said it better or agree more.

Imustenjoypain!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2008
In reply to: jodi_09
Tue, 01-26-2010 - 10:55pm

Low contact does suck. It's like it just drags everything out and makes it hard to get on with your life.


But I agree with the poster who said she acts professionally, which has become the new normal for her. I do find it hard sometimes (ex-EAP was one of my main work supports and I haven't really found people to fill that role) and I still occasionally slip and talk to him about some office political situation or whatever. But most of the time I am polite and pleasant when I see him but no longer seek him out and worship at his feet.


In return, he pretty much ignores me. I have to speak to him about work sometimes, when he subtly (and not-so-subtly)

fantasied_out
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2010
In reply to: jodi_09
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 7:28pm

This is just my second post, my A ended about a month ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2008
In reply to: jodi_09
Wed, 01-27-2010 - 7:49pm

jodi...


I am sorry you have to deal w/ LC... I do too, but lucky for me it is long distance and I can avoid it and work around it as much as possible.... It's mostly email... but there are still times when I want to reach thru the email and scream, strangle... and each email (LC related) just keeps the pain open a bit more and longer...


Luckily for me, there's an end in sight...


Hugs.... and maybe you can think of some other random thought to replace your emotions each time you see/deal with him.... Like some funny scene from a movie (that would make you laugh each time) or some crazy song that makes you feel empowered.... your own little moving on "trigger"....