Lucky 13 :)
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Lucky 13 :)
| Mon, 03-15-2010 - 3:35pm |
Kind of slow here today. Just wanted to post that I'm on day 13. This is a first for me, the farthest I have ever made it. So I'm happy and proud :) I'm feeling good today. I hope everyone out there is doing okay too! :)
Hazel

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Hey Hazel-
I am so proud of you for reaching 15 days NC. I know you really struggled in the beginning. YOu kept reopening the door and it sounds like now you are really taking steps to self protect. That is a HUGE step. Great job.
Something you said is worth repeating, especially to newbies: <>
This is spot on. It too is one of the HUGE lessons I have learned. Those moments of weakness suck- oh man do they suck- but in those moments I now KNOW with all my heart that I will feel so much better later if I do NOT reach out to xap. I know it will accomplish nothing. I know that it will ruin all of my progress. I am 49 days NC/LC today and I am not looking back.
NC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Edited 5/6/2010 12:32 pm ET by hazelrose2009
Hazelrose -
Congrats on your wonderful progress.
Hazel-
Oh believe me- I did plenty of stumbling. I went NC and went back to xap so many times before I found this board. It may have seemed like I took off like a racehorse, but that was only after many failed attempts. We all know how hard it is :) I am really very proud of you and everyone on this board. This has got to be one of the more difficult things to do. We all deserve big hugs.
NC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Hey brighterdays~
Lol I agree with you...I was kinda surprised no-else had said anything about my post either! And no, no offence taken whatsoever. I appreciate you taking the time to write something to me the way you did, and I understand exactly what you are saying and getting at. I haven't had alot of contact with xAP since our A ended back on Dec 12 (it probably sounds like I have), in fact I've actually only seen him face to face once since then. And I have only talked to him on the phone a few times since NC was broken, and texted a handful of times too. I think what I'm trying to say is that I don't think about xAP constantly. I don't 'pine' for him. I am not confused about where I am. I am focused on my M and my H now. And yes, I know many would argue that how can I focus on my M when my life is like this?! I haven't had any contact with XAP since the start of the week, and I won't be contacting him again either as I just could not be bothered with his brief texts - back in the A I would've chased etc etc etc. That's how I know now that I am in a different place. I know I don't have to tolerate being treated like that, and that's how I know I feel differently about him from an emotional point of view. And I am calm about it.
Look, I can totally understand your concern, and I am having heaps of trouble sitting here writing this, trying to explain my situation. It's something that cannot be put into words that people would understand, so I won't even try any further!! But I hear you regarding this board, where everyone else is, and how what I write may affect their healing and recovery. I so hope that hasn't happened already, and that's why I've been hesitant to post, provide support etc etc.
Thanks heaps brighterdays~ again, you write really well and I will be sure to think about some of your points.
Be Strong xx
hazel~
First of all I just wanted to say that I hope things are still going really well for you, both personally and with your H and your M. You're on a roll girl, nothing's going to stop you now!
In regards to your question about spending time with your xAP again in a couple situation, my personal opinion is that it would be a really wrong move at this stage. Keep going the way you are, it's obviously working and if it's broke, don't fix it! You could open a can of worms that you don't want, and even though you may think you'd be okay with it you might find that it could set you back so much. You are doing so incredibly well, be proud of yourself and put lots of work into your M - that's what I've been doing, and I'm reaping the benefits ten fold. I am now seeing my H in a completely different light, and that's why I believe those feelings for xAP are slowly 'petering out' - I just can't believe I considered leaving my H for xAP!!!!
Stay well and happy,
Be Strong xx
Hey Bestrong -
I am very glad that you were not offended by my post.
"One of the greatest obstacles for me and I believe
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