lurker- needs unbiased opinions please!
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| Fri, 06-04-2010 - 3:31am |
Hi everyone! I have been lurking around here for a few months now and cannot express how grateful I am that this forum exists!
I find myself browsing this and the "My Affair Support" forums because I feel very much on the fence with the affair I've tangled myself in! My AP is my first love-- my first everything! We lost contact for six or seven years, besides an occasional email I would send him when I couldn't get him outta my mind! He rarely responded, and if he did, it was very short an non-conversational. I'm married now with two young children and recently came very close to a separation (close because I put my foot down that I wanted to separate but he never moved out and neither did I). Right before this all started, I became really good friends with AP's W (they also have two young childern). The more time I spent with her, the more time I would spend with him and the three of us would have a great time together pretty often. Their relationship was always rocky, mine only recently became rocky after DH's brother AND cousin were living with us and I "came to the realization" that my husband didn't make me happy... I only worked and worked to make him happy, although I constantly felt as though he barely noticed me at all. When AP partner and I officially crossed the line, his W made him move out of the house after an unrelated fight. He stayed gone, convinced that she was never meant for him because he really never stopped loving me. I feel like I never stopped caring for him, either!
About a month after having the separation talk with DH, I was caught through unerased text messages on my phone ( I had already been trying to figure out a way to tell him for a week). He was hurt and angry and my house was guilt hell for a few days until he calmed down. But he decided he still wanted to try to work out our marriage. I thought about it for a couple days, scared of the thought of ACTUALLY losing him. But I felt like I wanted to begin a new life with AP, and was honest with DH about my relationship with him. But I didn't put my foot all the way down-- I left it open by saying that MAYBE in the future we could decide to try again. So he stayed. And I continued my relationship with AP, and we were getting so much more serious about each other. Then DH

IAB,
First I'd like to welcome you to endings but I have to be honest here, and tell you I laughed at your heading. You want unbiased opinions and there is only bias here, sweetie, meaning if you are planning on ending your A you are welcome to stay here.
Secondly, if you've been lurking for a while then you know that we frown upon fence sitters. You either end your A or end your M. You can't have it both ways. I didn't read anything about your MM
~Iddy~
I find myself in the position of giving advice that I need to hear myself. (Funny-when it comes to other people it is easy to say). So I will say it hoping it will sink in at home too
Go. Go now. Marriage is a beautiful thing. Yes, it is boring sometimes and stressful (especially when there are young children and in-laws) but this is less stress than ex-spouses, lawyers and custody cases.
I am interested in the other poster's advice on the friendship with his wife. Does NC with him mean NC with her? How do you explain that? Or do you do LC with her away from him?
Okay miss balloon, here comes an unbiased opinion.