Made a baby step....

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Made a baby step....
6
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 10:28am

I just took a step towards NC. I just called and changed my cell phone number. I don't want him to be able to rope me in with his little text messages. I'm not giving him a way to contact me.

His christmas gift came from Europe the other day. I dn't want it in my house anymore. I'm tempted to mail it to him. Not as a way of making some kind of emotional statement, just a way to get it out of my house. It is too valuable to throw away. I wasn't going to include a note or anything of the sort. Nothing like that. I dont' know what to do . Saving it is just another reminder. I threw out the medals and dog tags he gave me yesterday. That was a big step too. I don't want any reminders. I'll keep the gym bag and the sweater, only because they don't really symbolize anything but the dog tag...well that meant alot to me because that is all I had when he was still in the USMC and many miles away. He told me that if I gave him that back he would just throw it out, it didn't mean anything to him until he gave it to me. Whatever, so if he's just going to throw it out i'll save him the trouble.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 10:52am

Undone -

It's all about the baby steps! I remember when I deleted xOM's # from my cell phone. It was hard and I cried, but I knew if the number wasn't there, it would be harder for me to call.

I still have a few emails he sent me, a CD he made me and a card he sent me. I'm not quite ready to throw it all out yet, but the good news is, I don't feel the need to relive all those emotions anymore by rereading/listening to them.

Good for you for making progress - one (baby) step at a time :-)

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 11:46am

you should feel so proud - i know that was a hard step to take. that's a serious tie you're severing - and you should feel great about it.

as far as the gift - perhaps if you were to do something good w/ it instead of mailing it back, it would make you feel better. perhaps donate it to a good organization for a charity auction or something... or sell it and donate the money. (that takes more effort though.) it's the holiday season, so there's plenty of needy people that could use gifts. mailing it back to him will just give him an excuse to contact you about something.

keep it up!
you're doing so well!

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 12:53pm

Well the gift is pretty unique..not sure anyone else would want it or even "get it". It has religious significance. I think I am going to mail it to him but with no note or anything.
And there really is no way for him to get in touch with me, and honestly I don't think that he wants to so there is no problem.

I thought that I would regret changing my phone number but so far I just feel numb. It is a bit freeing though. Instead of me looking at it and saying "he didn[t call" I can say "oh that's right, he CAN"T CALL". Doing this sort of made me take control of my own situation just a little bit.

I don't know what he'll think when he discovers that I am not getting his text messages. I just had an imaginary fight with him in my head in the shower where I really let him have it. I wish I could let him have it for real but I don't think that would be the best thing for me. It would just make me feel good for around three minutes then I'd feel like a fool for losing control and giving him more of my emotions and my efforts.

I'm angry because he has proven to me once again how SELFISH he is. The past few weeks have been about him and HIS problems. No money, pending court dates, not closing enough deals at work..blah blah blah. He knows how hard life is for me at home and about my recent health problems...did he say "how are YOU? What is going on with YOU?" No, of course not. And this is a man that was supposed to stand by my side through an ugly divorce? Yeah right.

I would have had more respect for him if he just broke things off instead of saying "i need you to believe how much I love you" and "i still want you in my life" . And using religion as an excuse? OH PLEASE. I know it is all about this woman he's catching a rap with at work as much as he has denied it. I'm tired of making excuses up for him. To hell with him. I just wish I would have smacked him across his face when he was here last week instead of sitting there crying while he held me.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 3:18pm

It is a bit freeing though. Instead of me looking at it and saying "he didn[t call" I can say "oh that's right, he CAN"T CALL". Doing this sort of made me take control of my own situation just a little bit. You've taken BIG control. This is a major step. I am proud of you.


I don't know what he'll think when he discovers that I am not getting his text messages. Try not to care what he will think. I know it's difficult but thinking of him is just a waste of precious energy. It's not going to change the outcome of a decision that you need to stand by.


I'm angry because he has proven to me once again how SELFISH he is. The past few weeks have been about him and HIS problems. As long as you allow his using you as a sounding board, theMe Me ME will continue to resonate. Turn the volume to "OFF!" You should be taking care of yourself now. #1 priority!!!


I would have had more respect for him if he just broke things off instead of saying "i need you to believe how much I love you" and "i still want you in my life" I am sure he meant this in a "be there when I want you but don't ask anymore of me than I can give you" sort of way.

 

 

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 3:32pm

Thanks for your post True.

Catching A Rap is city slang for flirting with. Talking to with the intent of wanting more. Basically just making an ass out of yourself. He mentioned something about him wanting her to teach him how to speak spanish...may answer to that is 'Buy a freaking book".

I was crying because he came here and it was sort of us saying goodbye...funny thing is he kept saying This isn't goodbye. He is the one that initiated this break up, but it was like when he saw me he was denying it. So strange. That just made me more resentful towards him.

Jazzdiva

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 5:55pm

i sent the gift...I'm glad that I did it and was sure that it was the right thing for me to do. NO note, no anything. I had told him that it was coming from Europe and so I'm sure he won't be surprised. I think that he would have rather I gave it to him in person. Anyway I am glad that it is out of my house and done with. it is inscribed in something in slavic and he can figure out what it says....maybe when he's done learning spanish he can learn slavic...LOL...

I hope that I can keep this up and not fall to bits like a big baby. I am in pain but I don't feel this overwhelming sense of doom like other times that we broke up. Maybe because this time I"m taking control of the situation. Who knows...all I know that I hope he chokes on his gift. Actually I don't..I don't really care. I don't care what he thinks. I just don't freaking give a crap at this point.

Jazzdiva