Manners Maketh the man

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Manners Maketh the man
22
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 12:54am

Reading a post on another thread a few minutes ago, made me stop and think.. about how it is so important in a relationship for a man to show a little chivalry along the way... What makes these men tick? Why did I let xOM get away with it when my H is the perfect gentleman.. always caring.. always there... always concerned?? What makes us go into these situations which eventually seem to be much worse than the ones we are already in..

Do you belive that once I was on my way to xOM house and it started pouring cats and dogs. I called him and told him I did not have an umbrella.. so please come downstairs because the walk to the entrance of the building was a distance from the curb. He said oh what the h... get wet it won't harm you. Well I did not want to get wet which is why I asked him in the first place right?? I should have turned the cab and gone right back home. But I did not. I got drenched but went and met him.. Foolish me

Am i well rid of this man or what????

Another time, i left his house real late and instead of walking me to a cab, he let me walk through a pretty shadey neighbourhood becuase the cabs were a distance away. Without a care in the world.. whats going to happen was his attitude.. and it was 1 am.

Am i well rid of this man or what????

As I go through the healing process, I keep remembering the things that were NOT OK during our relationship. Is this normal? I just cannot understand how I let him get away with all this nonsense. What a jerk!!

Sorry, just wanted to vent because sometimes I truly hate myself for letting him treat me like garbage

Trish

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Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 5:47pm

No Diva, I think the situation with H is beyond repair. The only thing that I could hope for is a civil relationship until the children are grown. He most probably will leave me somewhere down the line, he has admitted to staying for the children. He also knows what divorce will cost him and given that he has alot to lose financially he is not going to budge. I may decide to leave him but I haven't had the strength to do that. Right now I definitely do not. I am going to make a consult with a new lawyer, from what I understand this one is very aggressive and deals with clients that have alot of assets. I want to know what I am entitled to and how the situation looks and then keep her number handy for future reference.

I hate to see me hurting this much too! It is such a shame becuase I have so much love to give and I deserve so much better than the crap that I have been handed. My H represented himself as a very different person back when we were dating. I was young and stupid, fresh out of college. We got engaged after six months and didn't really see how mean and distant he could be until after the wedding. At that point I stayed because I thought I had no other choice. To me divorce means failure and in my culture the wife is always blamed and ridiculed. After my children were born I went into a very deep depression and admitted that I was living a lie. I couldn't put up the facade anymore that I had a charmed life. Then I met XOM...and here I am. What a waste of a life.

The good news is that I'm older, wiser and know my worth. No man can or ever will abuse me again. Admitting that I do not love my husband was a catharsis...thanks to therapy I have gained some of my sanity back.

Jazzdiva

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 5:49pm
Make that call. I put off therapy for years and it was with XOM's encouragement that I did it. I was so ashamed and nervous to go to a T...to me it meant that I was weak. It was one of the best things that I did. It helped me really work through alot of the crap in my marriage. I asked H to come with me but he refused, so I went for myself. My problems with H are still there, but atleast now I am stronger and better equipped to handle his crap. I also told T about XOM and she convinced me that he is bad news and to stay away from him. I kind of didn't want to hear that but I respect her opinion.

Jazzdiva

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