Marriage Builders?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Marriage Builders?
2
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 8:31pm

Has anyone had any success (or failure) with Marriage Builders, or Willard F. Harley's books?
What do y'all make of the whole "Radical Honesty" part? I have pretty much decided that my A will go to the grave with me. Is it possible to heal my marriage doing this??

Also, Harley says that the addiction subsides between 3 weeks to 6 months after NC begins in earnest. Do the vets agree with this? What do you think is the average recovery time? I know everyone is different, but if Harley can make such a statement, there must be some basis in fact, yah? no?

My xAP and I mutually agreed to NC two weeks ago. I broke it three days after it began and initiated contact which ended in a phone call where we both agreed that NC was best and resolved to maintain it -- only to have me cave last Friday with an email that went unanswered (so, I guess, HE's better at NC than I am!). I'm dealing with the double-pronged sting of 1) being the weak a-hole who broke NC, and 2) being rebuffed. Mind you, I wasn't interested in restarting the A, only looking for some support that I thought only he could provide. It was a huge mistake, and I'm glad he didn't respond - yet, ouch. yep. fn OUCH.

I'm just grasping for some hope that it's going to get easier, and have a date on the darn calendar to look forward to. Honestly, I feel the 'addiction' is already getting easier. I just MISS my xAP. I love him. And I've never been dumped or been dumped by someone I love before. Total dump virgin.

oy! this sucks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2009
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 11:33am

It sucks but the men are better at NC than women. Of course, it isn't an emotional attachment for them simply physical and they can just go look at a magazine or something. Sad but true. It does get easier. It will lessen. Time is what it takes. And honestly doubt it is a rebuff...he is following what ya'll decided on. It is simple for a man..contact or NC. No in between. Unfortunately estrogen kicks in for us and we want to know how they are feeling, are they suffering like us, are they already moving on to some other chick? We need the answers to in some way validate us as being a pivotal point in their lives. What takes time to realize is it doesn't matter what they think or if they suffered or not? We are a pivotal point in EVERYONE's life that we meet. WE make ourselves not them!!


I have read a lot from Dr. Harley. Good stuff. It can apply to individuals differently. I don't think there is a set time limit. I think it is gradual over time that the addiction weans and is gone once you realize why it was there in the first place.


I hope today is better for you hun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 1:10pm

Hi


I am glad your xAP didn't respond either.