maybe have my explanation
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| Tue, 09-07-2010 - 1:48pm |
I think maybe I have the explanation that I have been so desperately looking for.
I have been doing a lot of reading and research trying to figure out my pain, why everything happened and in doing so I think I discovered what I was dealing with in xap.
After reading so much info on this. I really believe he is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. He has every trait listed.
In love relationships they go through 3 stages: The Vulnerable Seducer Phase, The Clinger Phase and The Hater Phase.
They come on very strong. Quick intense involvement,premature conversations about living together. I had never felt so close to someone so quick. He started talking about moving in together about 2 mos. into the relationship.
In the clinger phase they need your constant reassurance that your not going to leave them. They are terrified of being alone. He asked over and over if I would be there for him. That he didn't want me to give up on him.
Then in the hater phase they push you away. Once they know they have you they no longer want you. They will either just abandon you or find faults and reason to push you away. The thing they say they want most which is love is the thing they can't handle.
That is just a little bit of info on someone with BPD.
There were so many other traits that he had. I felt like I was reading about my relationship.
The psychologists say someone involved with someone with BPD for even a short time is left feeling like they have been involved in a hit and run accident.
I feel like I now have so many answers. I also know I will never get answers from him because he doesn't understand it himself. BPD's have very little remorse or empathy.
Now I have to deal with the problems with myself and why this man was so enticing to me. I have always been drawn to the mysterious,troubled types in movies and books. For example: Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights, Max in Rebecca, the Phantom in Phantom of the Opera. Because the chances of the BPD coming back around are great. And I don't think I could mentally survive going through this with him again.
This was not just me looking for any explanation. I found this info by accident and couldn't believe the similarities.

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why does the problem always have to be with me?
Let me answer that for you, because all that matters is YOUR CONDUCT in any given situation.
Hi
I know all that matters is my conduct...I think I said my conduct was wrong in an earlier post on this thread.
Also, the question "Why does the problem always have to be with me?" was a rhetorical question directed at those posters who are continually saying "You need to figure out the deep seated reasons why you did this."
Hi Willow, do you mind if I borrow your thread for a minute to talk to GEP?
GEP,
Ya have to know Clarity a lil bit to know she is just a straight shooter and is not trying to rub you the wrong way. I can come off like a pit bull at times myself but I’ve mentioned before I’m one of those lil Chihuahuas that can pull my lips back so far that my lil teeth look twice as big.
Gosh I just don’t like to see so many threads where the vets have to defend themselves. But you know what Clarity and I can be ones to dig in our heels.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Maybe I should have used the word WE more and OUR conduct....because that's how I meant the discussion to be...not so directed at just
LOL, E1...we both just had to address the same issue and apparently at the same time.
I agree with everything you have said here.
Yes, thank you for saying that.
Out for good!!
Greeneyedphoenix,
I am on my iPhone n it usually gives me a post riddled with typos that probably annoy the hell out of everyone makes me look pretty darn dumb, so I will be brief n may respond to all ur posts in more detail at a later time.
I realize you are somewhat new to the board. Even have enjoyed reading your posts from time to time. I had to chime in here. This my opinion. We do not just fall into affairs like we have hiccups. We make a choice to do so. We know what we are doing is wrong and hurtful and selfish but we do it anyway. We do it cuz something is off in us. We are wired wrong, even if it's only temporary because we are in a vulnerable state. N I hardly call getting in a affair being human...again my opinion. I don't see how it's "human" to knowingly lie, decieve, manipulate, hurt, and or steal from innocent people.
I am not saying we as humans don't F up, saying that there is a reason we all wind up in A's n they are a vast many...
In addition, I am seriously thinking you may need to re-think whether or not you have yourself all figured out. If u truly do or think you do, I am a bit envious, cuz I been thru a whole lot my 37 years and I am still truly figuring out what I wanna be when I grow up. I find that I am learning daily and will continue to.
Lastly, I used to reject some of clarity's amazing post when I was a newbie. Had issues with the way she cut right to my bone....not implying that this is the case with you, just saying, give some weight to what she says, she has been on this board for years and years and she knows her stuff. She's seen it all. N she has experienced it. Take it easy n be a lil more open to what she is saying...she's usually spot on and if not she will be the first to admit it and apologize if necessary. Sometimes we can learn a whole lot from those we disagree with. That's how I became good at what I do for a living. I took a little bit from all those that vehemently opposed me.
Just some thought to ya
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
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