Maybe I Can Help....Been There.
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| Wed, 11-17-2004 - 10:35am |
Hello Everyone,
Wow, it has been a long time since I've visited this board. Don't know why I'm doing it now other than the fact that this was very helpful to me when I needed it most. I would like to give back, and help you in anyway possible. What you are going through right now is very difficult. You are on an emotional roller coaster ride! My EMA ended over two years ago now (how time flies). I hated when people told me time would help, but in truth, it does. Time doesn't heal wounds completely, and the mind never forgets, but the heart doesn't ache quite so much. My OM and I are still friends. I've remained married and he has had a steady girlfriend for over a year now. It's not easy though. I dread the day I hear he is engaged, and will probably drink a lot the day of his wedding. I never thought I could just be friends with him again, and to be honest, it still hurts whenever I see him. I care for him deeply, so I guess that's why I've chosen to remain friends with him. The pain of losing him completely would be too great! This did not come easily, and I'm not telling you that's where you should be, but I just want to let you know that it will get easier. Some days I could still just sit and cry, but then I have to pick myself up and move on. One thing remains, I am forever changed. He will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart, but my heart now has a protective wall around it. The long and short of it is this, please feel free to talk to me, you need that more than anyting right now...just having someone to talk to. I will never judge or tell you to "just move on", that's not what you need to hear right now. The hurt and pain you are suffering is tremendous, and trying to let go is even harder. If you need support or advice, please feel free to ask, I'm here to listen. Take care of yourself. Love, Heavyheart :)

HH2002 -
Thank you so much for returning to the board and offering support. My EMA has been over for 3 months now, and I truly don't know what I would have done without this board. Just having somewhere to go where other people were dealing with the same (or similar) experiences, issues and feelings was so comforting.
My story is long and ends badly (feel free to go back and read some of my earlier posts). I am married, xOM is single. Our relationship started inoccently enough, then grew into more (over a very short period of time). He gave me the passion I felt was lacking in my M (I've only been married for a year and a half). Anyway, long story short - he ended the A after 4 months because he said 'we' would never work out. He said he knew I loved my H and had a great life and he didn't want me to leave all that for him and end up hating him down the road. He said he was tired of sneaking around and lying when someone asked him if he had a girlfriend. I went from being 'the love of xOM's life' to being the girl he called at 2am when he wanted to get laid (this was after the breakup)! I have just started to rebuild my M (H doesn't know about the A) and have finally let go of xOM over the last week or so. I was tried of feeling hurt and rejected. It was too hard and it was too stressful. I have to say that I have been feeling much better since then. I still have 'moments', but for the most part, I am pushing ahead. We have had NC since last Wednesday (1 week today!!) and I finally deleted his number from my cell phone. Time moves on and so do we.
Again, thank you so much for offering your experiences and support. It is greatly appreciated!
Diva
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Dear HH2002,
Thanks for coming back to the board and letting us know how you are doing. My 4.5 year affair ended in late May of this year, and since we work together I have to take a bullet 5 days a week. Fortunately for me though, I had emotionally cut off my feelings months before I physically ended it. That made quite a big difference in my healing time, as I have not had one urge to slip back into the past. The memories sneak in once and a while, but I have no emotion attach to them anymore. He seems to be having a harder time in dealing with it, but I've noticed just recently that his humor is beginning to return. Somewhere in his twisted mind he thought we could go on forever, with me being his little side dish, while wifey and family ALWAYS came first. Sad thing though is that I allowed this to happen, and was in such tremendous denial as to WHO was really important in all of this: ME!
One day I finally saw the light and it has remained as such, but you are right about the protection we build around our hearts. I feel it constantly when he tries to be cute and charming, and immediately I turn off to him BIG TIME, just shuting him out. MEN! Can't live with them and can't live without then, eh? The friendship is slowly returning as I have been rebuking it 24/7, but I have learned it is different for XMM. He says that he still needs to be close (sitting in the same room talking) although he totally understands that we ARE OVER. Whatever. He always was a bit strange...... :)
I know that I will need at least another 6 months or so to exume the remaining toxins from my system that this affair has caused me, until I'd want to date again. Seeing him everyday is definately slowing the process and at times I wish I could just walk away forever, and then at other times there is some sort of peace in my heart when I see him, but that only lasts for a brief moment...AND THEN I WANT HIM TO DISAPPEAR for the rest of the day ;) Does this make any sense? Whatever!
So, HIGH FIVE for moving on with you life, and again thanks for stopping by.
~True~
Edited 11/17/2004 12:13 pm ET ET by b_true_2_yourself